Q: What are three major things that set earth apart from other planets?

A: 1.) Earth is home to America, the greatest country in the Universe.

2.) Unironic use of phrase "reality TV stars."

3.) Bears have not risen up and enslaved humanity.

Q: How do you make your grandpa let you play computer everyday?

A: Try guilt.

If that fails, blackmail.

After that, the only solution is violence.

Q: How do baptists worship outside of church?

A: They travel in groups and always carry a bucket of water for emergency baptisms.

Sometimes, in a hilarious twist, they will replace the water with confetti.

People who think they are about to be baptized and be washed clean of their sins will instead find themselves covered with confetti while crowd of strangers laughs at them.

Hold on.

That's the Harlem Globetrotters.

I have no idea how baptists worship outside of church.

I am sorry for wasting your time.

Q: Can cysts or boils form from using methamphetamine?

A: If used correctly, meth helps you stay up all night, come up with a million great ideas, and meet tons of interesting new people.

It also makes your teeth stronger.

Clearly, you are doing something wrong.

Q: Is a monkey structural?

A: I guess not. You are probably right.

This monkey bridge was a terrible idea.

Lets go back to my original plan.

Where can we find 40,000 turtles?

Q: Is Manhattan Island the same as New York City?

A: Yes. Some people will argue that there are other parts of New York, but those people live outside of Manhattan and therefore do not count.

Q: What makes my computer faster?

A: Covering it in Vaseline to reduce friction.

It has the added benefit of making it all shiny. You know, for the ladies.

Q: What do you call groups of animals?

A: If the group is small and manageable and can be used to your advantage, it is called bait.

If the group is mid-size but peaceful and meek, it is called prey.

If the group is large, aggressive and keeps you in a state of constant anxiety, it is called family.

Q: What are two requirements you fill by eating organic compounds?

A: 1.) Fulfilling your daily recommended dose of Vitamins A, K and C.

2.) Helping us escape this horrible carrot prison.

Keep eating. The guards are coming. They are very far away, but I can see them very easily. For some reason, my vision is improving.

Q: Did pres Reagan have a balanced budget during term?

A: No. Good lord, no. He did, however, have a balanced diet, every single day of his administration.

As long as you consider a bag of pennies, washed down with a quart of buttermilk part of a balanced diet.

Q: How do you get a different skin color on Sims 2?

A: You can alter the settings and all that, but that takes hours. The easiest way is with some spray paint. Your characters can be any color you like, as long as you don't want them to move.

Q: When and where were sightings of Bigfoot first reported?

A: They happened a few days after the creation of moonshine. Coincidentally, they also happened in the same area as the still.

Q: What is a movie maker effect?

A: Someone who sits in front of a computer all day, thinking about explosions and dragons. Like your son, but without so much dried food in his beard.

Q: Where in Mexico is a nice place to visit?

A: If you only care about getting really cheap drugs and possibly catching a donkey show: Anywhere.

If you want to have a relaxing vacation free from crime and constant threats of kidnapping and violence: New Mexico.

Q: Where do you get the monster high dolls?

A: You can buy the dolls anywhere. Getting them "monster high" requires a vaporizer, at least a pound of weed and a poorly ventilated room.

Q: Why is it possible to detect between a diabetic and a normal person by testing the urine?

A: Testing? Yes.

Tasting? No.

Please, stop.

Why must you ruin Mother's Day every year?

Q: Can you wear arm cast on the rides at dreamworld?

A: Yes, but a leg cast will make it easier to sneak that sniper rifle to the top of the Ferris Wheel.

Q: What if your husband always refers to you as my wife to friends or coworkers then suddenly starts calling you by name to them?

A: After years of marriage, he finally remembered your name. Congratulations! All those notes you left around the house worked.

Q: What are the movements that takes place in the skeleton system?

A: That is called growth. It's fairly common for a boy your son's age. It happens right up until adulthood. Try as we might, we really can't predict how large a child will eventually grow.

What I'm trying to say is that you will eventually need to get your son bigger clothes.

And a larger cage.

Q: How do you help a child afraid of shots?

A: Speak to your child in a calm voice and tell him that he won't be getting a shot today, only candy.

Once he is distracted by the promise of candy, have the doctor administer the shot.

Problem solved. He will no longer be afraid of shots. He will only be afraid of you.

Q: How do the urinary and circulatory systems work together in the body?

A: I don't think that is a suitable question for a fourth grade science fair. "A" for effort, though.

Sadly, we don't grade based on effort. Your actual grade will be an "F".

May God have mercy on your soul.

Q: What is the meaning of the song On My Own by Three Days Grace?

A: It means I don't want to see you any more. I don't understand why you don't get this.

I told you I wanted to see other people. Then I told you I wanted to see other people exclusively, and not you. Then I told you never to call me again. Then I changed my number, moved to another state and legally changed my name to Three Days Grace.

And yet, you found me.

So I did the only thing I could. I taught myself how to write music and how to play the guitar, the bass and the drums. I wrote that song, got a record deal and released the song. I even dedicated it to you.

You are mentioned, specifically by name, in the song.

When will you get it. When will you understand that I don't want to be with you.

It was just one date.

God, I am so exhausted.

Q: Can you predict a person's addiction to drugs?

A: I sure hope so. With my prices and such a small staff, it will be hard to stay in business in this neighborhood.

There is only one way we can really compete: Effective direct marketing. That's why I chose this corner, right in front of the Starbucks. It feels like a good place to start.

Oh, here comes somebody.

Excuse me, sir, I see that you need coffee to get started in the morning. You know what works better than that?

This crack. It's reasonably priced.

Does that badge mean you're a cop?

Fuck.

Do you have to arrest me?

It's my first day.

Q: What is the juice made out of in a glow stick?

A: That is not a glow stick.

We use that to power the Enterprise.

We really need to stop letting tourists visit the engine room.

Q: Where is location of the coronary arteries of the heart?

A: And that was the last thing I heard before the anesthetic took effect. I vowed that, if I survived the surgery, I would never again base my medical decision on whether or not the Doctor was a big fan of "Quincy."

Q: How old do you have to be a messenger in medieval times?

A: 16. You've got a few years left. Conveniently, enough time to finish your time machine.

Q: What is a public swimming pool?

A: It is a large pool to be freely used by everyone. They can usually be found at the local YMCA or community center. It has enough room for diving, and lap swimming and general splashing around.

What you have in your backyard is not a public swimming pool. It is a hot tub.

I will not be getting in there.

Neither will my children.

If you excuse me, we are going to leave now.

You should really take that ad off craigslist. It's really misleading.

Q: Why did the snail have an s painted on his car?

A: He cheated on his girlfriend. She wanted to write "slut" but used up all the spray paint on the "s".

Q: What were the conditions like on the Western Front?

A: According to this book, everything seems to be "all quiet."

Honestly, I'm just basing that on the cover. I'm sure the book is just more of the same. I'll take a look just to be safe.

Oh God.

Oh God, no.

Why would anyone do this?

Things are not "all quiet." They are very bad. Very bad indeed. This book is poorly named.

It should be called "All Horrifying and Bloody and Intestines Wrapped Around Barbed Wire on The Western Front."

I guess that book would not have sold as well.

Q: Is there a girls basketball game today?

A: No, sir, there is not. There is a game tomorrow.

However, we usually require everyone in attendance to wear pants.

Q: What does it mean when a boy you like ask you how old are you?

A: It means you are very pretty and have a grace and maturity beyond your years. It also means he's been previously convicted of statutory rape.

Q: What happens after foreclose?

A: You'll have to move out.

Please don't look at me with those puppy dogs eyes.

Stop pouting. There's nothing I can do.

For God's sake, don't cry. Look, we knew this could never last. Sooner or later you and your family would have to move out and you and I would have to say goodbye.

Don't blame me. I'm not the one taking your home away from you. The bank is. I'm staying here.

I can't say that I am sad. I kind of wanted you guys to go. That's why I said all those things. And why I moved all that furniture. And why I made the walls bleed.

Honestly, though, this is what you get when you buy a house on an ancient Indian burial ground. And when you take financial advice from a ghost.

Q:Who had the better railroad system north or south?

A: The railroad system in the North had the distinct advantage of not constantly being on fire.

Q: How does the natural environment affect the people is southeast Asia?

A: Every once in a while, it teaches them that living right next to the beach may not be as great as it seems.

Q: How does a lizard live without drinking?

A: Not everybody needs a drink to have a good time. Some of us like to come down by the bog, hang out with our friends, and eat bugs.

Q: Is wood fibers the same as sawdust?

A: Basically, yes, although I must tell you that neither one is the kind of fiber I meant when I suggested you eat a high fiber diet to stay regular.

I'd hate to be you tomorrow.

Q: How do you stop your school from scanning your Mac?

A: Don't go to school. You can learn anything you need to know on the internet, far more than you will learn in school. Especially in the areas of human sexuality, ill-informed political discourse and people who look like Kenny Rogers.

Q: Why is your feces purple?

Q: I subsist on a steady diet steaks made solely from Barney The Dinosaur.

Remember that Dinosaur? He sure is delicious.

What's that?

That wasn't a real dinosaur? It's just a guy in a suit?

That explains all the screaming and begging to live.

And why my feces containts so much felt.

Q: What are two things you can do to protect your computer when working on it?

A: 1.) Back up everything on your computer, by hand, in a spiral bound notebook.
2.) Give the spiral bound notebook to a complete stranger. They will be far less unlikely to expose your secrets because of a decades-long feud, like your so-called "friends."

Q: What historical figure is the Dracula legend based on?

Q: He is based on a famous Romanian Count named Ivan Chocula. Bram Stoker replaced Chocula's insatiable craving for chocolate for a thirst for blood, due to the fact that in Stoker's day, chocolate was thought of as a peasant food and blood was only consumed by aristocrats.

Q: What are the rights and responsibilities of employers and employees?

A: It is the right of an employer to pay their employees as little as possible to do their jobs, to constantly remind them they are lucky to have a job in this economy and to blame their employees for any mistakes.

It is the right of the employee to do as little work as possible to earn their salary, to constantly bitch about every task asked of them, and to answer all deflect all blame with the simple phrase "What do you want from me? I just work here."

Q: What does it mean a black cat crossing your path while driving?

A: You shouldn't drive your go cart around the living room.

Q: When did harry potter get the scar on his face?

A: He claims he got it when his parents died. I'm pretty sure he says that so the girls will like them. I knew him when he was younger. He didn't that have that scar. He did have an enormous unibrow.

One year, after not seeing him all summer, he showed up for the first day of school without his unibrow and with that scar on his forehead.

You do the math.

If you can't do math, I have included the handy formula below.

Forehead-Unibrow=Scar

So, should we go back to my place?

Q: Do goldfish eat snails?

A: Goldfish eat anything or anyone they can get their greedy little gills on. That's why we keep them in such tiny bowls. To protect the snails.

And the children.

But mostly the snails.

Q: Are myths and legends real?

A: It's a case by case basis. The myth of the Loch Ness Monster is fake, but the Legend of Bagger Vance is 100 percent real. So are centaurs. 100 percent real. Like that one over there.

I know what you're thinking. "That's just a guy wearing the bottom half of a horse costume." You are half right.

He is wearing the bottom half of a horse costume AND he is a centaur. You would be able to see his horse half if he didn't have the fake horse half in front of it.

You'll have to trust me. Now hop in and I'll take you to see that Griffin I was telling you about.

No, you don't need to tell your friends where you are going. You'll be back in a jiffy.

Put on this blindfold.

Because I don't want you to know how to find the Griffin. He's very private.

Wow. You are incredibly trusting. This will be fun.

What?

I did not say that out loud.

Q: Does temperature of water affect the rate of an effervescent tablet dissolves?

A: The hotter the water, the quicker the tablet will dissolve.

If the liquid is mixed with alcohol and the tablet contains a high concentration of a lethal poison such as arsenic, the tablet will dissolve even quicker.

But, judging by my drowsiness, blurred vision and the numbness in my arms, you already knew this.

You bastard.

Q: What is the nickname for the Oresund bridge?

A: It's called the Second Rate Bridge.

They wanted to call it the Golden Gate Bridge, on account of it being made of gold, and all those gates. When it came time to file the paperwork, the townspeople discovered that another bridge already had them name.

There were your usual lawsuits and everything and as a result of the settlement, we had to name it The Second Rate Bridge. No one liked it at the time, but now it proved to be pretty accurate.

It turns out it's a terrible idea to make a bridge out of gold, because it's so soft and heavy. Those gates didn't help either. They're pretty much a death trap.

You guys need a lift across? We'll never make it, but it's a hell of a trip.

Q: How much money does a medical doctor resident make?

A: They generally make around $175,000 a year, plus whatever gold fillings they can pull out of all the people who "accidentally" die in their care. Lot of sick folk these days, if you know what I mean.

Q: Is Florida Supreme court Justice Ricky L Polston conservative?

A: Not when it comes to the ponies. He's always betting on the long shots.

When I say "ponies" I mean strict constructionists who feel that that the state Constitution was written in stone and is not a living document.

And by "long shots" I mean lawyers with little or no legal training and those who frequently show up drunk in court.

So, when you hired me, you picked the right lawyer. I literally think the Constitution was written in stone, I have never been to college, let alone law school and I am drunk at this very moment.

You might as well start spending the money you're going to win right now. In fact, you can start by buying another round. I like scotch.

Q: Why does it hurt when I put in a tampon?

A: Because you are a man. And you are trying to put it in your urethra.

Q: What was the first computer company to start in a garage?

A: On April 14,1968, brothers Hugh and Steve Madigril started the New American Computer Engineering Company in their parents' garage.

On April 15, 1968, their father, Bryce, left his home to go to his job at At&T. Upon entering his garage, he found his car running and his two sons dead.

Years later, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak started the first computer company in a garage that kept the garage door open.

At the end of his life, Bryce Madigril would tell anyone who would listen that his sons "almost started Apple Computers, if they hadn't been total idiots." Then he would down another glass of scotch and stare off into the distance, muttering to himself.

Q: What does a woman wearing a wedding ring on middle finger of the left hand mean?

A: Either her husband is dead or she works closely with fireworks. Probably a combination of both. Now is the time to make your move!

Don't lead with any anecdotes about fireworks.

Or dead husbands jokes.

Simply court her the old fashioned way.

Have a friend distract her while you slip a mickey in her drink.

Q: Why choose banking after engineering?

A: In the world of banking, you can make mistake after mistake after mistake and still make boatloads of money.

It's not the same for engineers. One mistake and it's all over.

But I don't have to tell you that. You are the one who designed that bridge, not me.

Q: What did Lincoln do before he delivered the Gettysburg Address?

A: He looked in the mirror and said "You're a star. You're a star. You're a bright, shining star."

Then he tucked his giant, prosthetic penis back into his pants.

Q: What are three benefits of science?

1. Works better than faith when it comes to solving math problems.
2. Awesome lab coats.
3. Easy access to eye wash stations. Churches frown on cleaning your eyes with holy water, no matter how much Jesus you got on your face.

Q: How do you Replace rod bearing?

A: Quite simply, no one can replace Rod Bearing.

He's the finest salesman I have ever seen. He could sell ice to an Eskimo, water to a drowning man, veal to a vegan.

I once saw him sell a box of used matches to a Nobel prize winner on a dare.

He was the top salesman from January '96 to April '08, selling useless pieces of swamp to retirees over the phone. Half these people couldn't even afford phones, but that didn't stop Rod.

There will be no replacing Rod Bearing.

On a metaphorical level.

On a literal level, you will be replaced by that guy over there. His name is Hank Jennings. He's my wife's nephew. He's a bit of an imbecile, but, well, you know how these things work. You're Rod Bearing, nothing gets by you!

Thanks again, Rod. It's been a pleasure.

Security will escort you out.

Q: How many words are there in the Florida constitution?

A: Florida's constitution consists of over 120,000 words. However the vast majority of the words are either profane or some brand of Budweiser.

Q: Where does the king cobra snake live?

A: Judging by the grin on your face and the hissing coming from this box, I assume that question is rhetorical.

Q: What is the largest part of a circle?

A: The center.

That's where you should aim when you throw a dart.

Anywhere in the center of that enormous circle.

Anywhere at all.

You know what's not in that circle?

My neck.

Then what is your dart doing there?

Q: What system controls the computer hardware?

A: It's a new sentient operating system. We are really proud of it. We named it HAL 100, after my father. I can't wait to see what future versions can do.

Q: What did the catholic church say about homosexuals?

A: They are all for them. As long as they:

A.) Believe that Jesus is their savior.
B.) Deny their homosexuality.
C.) Have only non-consensual relationships.
D.) Do nothing else to endanger their positions as priests.

Q: Where does Ahmad Bradshaw live?

A: I'll give you a hint:

Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
A Reading Rainbow

I can go anywhere
Friends to know
And ways to grow
A Reading Rainbow

I can be anything
Take a look
It's in a book
A Reading Rainbow
A Reading Rainbow

Wait.

That was Levar Burton.

Wow, this is awkward.

I wonder if that guy on the subway wasn't actually Dave Chappelle?

That would explain why he looked at me funny when I asked for an autograph.
And why he yelled "I'm not Dave Chappelle, cracker," as I left the train.
And why, when I looked at the autograph later, it said "Phil Harris."

So, yeah, I have no idea where Ahmad Bradshaw lives.

Q: Should a girl kiss the boy or should the boy kiss the girl?

A: The boy should kiss the girl, unless the girl really wants that rose and doesn't want to take any chances going into the next rose ceremony.

Q: How often do you feed a 3 month old puppy?

A: Frequently. A puppy that has been dead for three months requires far less attention.

Are you sure you don't want to buy him?

Look at how cute he is.

Sitting there.
"Playing" dead.
Not barking or yelping or causing a fuss.

He's the perfect pet.

The flies will go away eventually.

What if I take $5 off the price?

Still want the live one? You city folk are all the same.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Q: What influences the supreme court's opinions?

A: You can try all the fancy lawyering you'd like, but in my experience, nothing works quite like a case of bourbon, a fleet of hookers and three well-placed cameras.

Q: What are the working conditions of a garbage man?

A: They couldn't be better. The world is your oyster. No one else has such access to discarded soups cans, irregular toys and overused pornography.

Finding Christmas gifts for the children has never been easier.

Especially if they happen to love maggots.

Q: What cities were not destroyed by bombing during World War 2?

A: Atlanta, Kansas City, Boston, Toledo, Los Angeles, Detroit, Milwaukee, Dallas, Denver, Seattle and countless others.

When you really stop and think about it, World War II wasn't that bad.

Q: How does Canada communicate?

A: Through their countless bland emissaries, who easily blend in with average Americans and corrupt our youth with tales of free health care and ice-hockey heroics and something called "Kraft Dinner."

Q: What does VA day stand for?

A: Victory over Angola. You've probably seen the picture of the sailor being ignored by the apathetic girl while all the ticker tape falls.

Q: When did Jesus tell us to pray?

A: Whenever we really, really need something.

Like a girl to like us.

Or, our aim to be steady.

Or, our team to cover.

Q: How does bacterial food poisoning develop?

A: Much the same way as regular food poisoning. Someone has a social commitment they would love to skip and is unable to think of a good excuse. Throwing in the word "bacterial" makes it sound worse.

Q: Where did ponchos originate?

A: A man cut a hole in a sack to shield him from the rain. Another man saw this and said "There's money to be made here."

The second approached the man with the sack and asked to speak to him. Then he stabbed the man with the sack in the stomach and stole his wallet.

Years later, in a completely unrelated story, the second man created the poncho.

Q: What are the steps taken to determine that ethanol will not conduct electricity?

1. Fill a bathtub with ethanol.
2. Have your friend climb into tub.
3. Plug in toaster.
4. Throw toaster to friend.
5. Yell "Heads up!"
6. Wait.
7. Check friend's vital signs.

Q: What is the most popular sport in the fall?

A: You can read all kinds of charts and graphs that will tell you that it's football, but you and I know better, don't we?

We both know that the fall's most popular sport is, was, and will always be hunting homeless men like game.

Now start running. I'm going to give you a 30 second head start.

Q: Why did Barbara McClintock die?

A: When it comes to choosing the cup that caught the blood of Christ at his Crucifixion, there are two types of people. Those who choose well, and those who choose poorly.

Barbara McClintock chose poorly.

Q: How old was Michael J Fox when he decided to drop out of high school so he could be an actor full time?

A: He dropped out of school at the age of 16. Despite his good lucks, charm and talent, most of his close friends and family members found the logic behind his decision to be shaky.

Q: Why do people usually not purchase dented cans of food?

A: Because they are snobs. Oh, sure they'll throw a lot of fancy words at you to explain otherwise. It's always "botulism this" or "food poisoning that" or "you crossed out the expiration date with a marker" but it's pretty obvious they think they are better than me.

I tell those people the same thing I'm going to tell you.

If you're too good to buy dented cans of food, then go ahead and shop at Ralphs.

I hope you don't mind walking. Someone seems to have slashed the tires on your car.

And smashed all the windows.

And set it on fire.

Thank you. Come again.

Q: What is the difference between a condominium and a home owners association?

A: A true arsonist would never ask that question. I suspected it all along, but now I know for sure.

You are an undercover cop.

Or a very bad arsonist.

Either way, you're out of the guild.

Turn in your oily rags. And your Zippo. And your membership card.

No, don't try to burn it. It's too little. Too late.

Go. Just go.

We're done with you.

Q: Who was the last President to serve 9 years as Chief Justice?

A: John Allen Taylor (b.1809) was not only President, and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court for nine years, he was also the nation's leading trapper of badger and marmot, and an occasional crime fighter who would would don a velvet suit, take to the trees and hunt escaped slaves under the name Big Red Dandy.

He was also wonderfully, amazingly, incredibly fictional.

Q: How many small fish can you have in a five gallon tank?

A: Hundreds. Easily hundreds. Maybe more. It's really only a matter of how tightly you mash them in there.

What's that?

You want them to be live fish?

Well, that changes things then, doesn't it.

You know, you really should have mentioned that you wanted them to be live fish. You should have led with it. Your question should have been "How many small, live fish can you have in a five gallon tank, sir?"

You disgust me.

Q: What is the child doing in the poem 'To Any Reader' by Robert Louis Stevenson?

A: What children around the world have been doing for ages: Asking incredibly direct questions that adults have no idea how to answer.

Q: How do you get from Dublin airport to Castle Adare in Shannon Ireland?

A: Ask a Leprechaun! If you can't find a Leprechaun, ask a small Irish person. Offer them some Lucky Charms, they love that sort of thing. Mentioning your love of Braveheart won't hurt, either.

Q: How do you get an old bankruptcy removed from your credit report?

A: Either wait seven years or fake your own death. Since you are probably as bad as budgeting time as your are with budgeting money, you will probably choose faking your own death. Congratulations! And welcome to the fun and exciting world of faking your own death.

You will need the following supplies:

1. A previously dead body, similar to yours in height, weight and bone structure.
2. An abandoned building.
3. Matches.

Good luck!

P.S. Remember the first rule of faking your own death:

Do not really kill yourself.

Q: How much is a old browning shotgun worth that has a picture of browning on it?

A: Despite what a lifetime of watching movies has led you to believe, I have absolutely no interest in hearing a pithy monologue right now. Pull the damn trigger and get it over with already.

Q: What river has the Alabama flag at it?

A: First of all, that's a brook, not a river. Secondly, it's really not fair to put your flag there. We'll never capture it. Most of our team can't swim.

Q: How much does a snowmobile racer make?

A: People don't race snowmobiles for the money. They race snowmobiles to save resorts from the hands of greedy developers.

Q: What will happen if you have a bank loan and your visa expires requiring you to leave the country?

A: Don't worry about it. Banks are generally pretty cool about this sort of thing.

Q: What are the difference in sexual and asexual reproduction?

A: Sexual reproduction requires a partner. Asexual reproduction requires internet access. And some privacy.

Q: How long should we be dating before i meet his mother?

A: It depends. If his mother is a real person, about 3 months. If his mother is merely a pile of bones covered in an old dress, never.

Q: How many exercises should a teenager get per day?

A: That's a tough one. Too little exercise and they'll get too fat.Too much and the meat won't be tender. I say rattle their cage every couple of hours. That should be enough.

Q: How can prayer be compared to a conversation with God?

A: Prayer is like a conversation with God, but differs because of it's one-sided nature. During prayer, you talk to God. God does not talk to you. If God begins to talk back, you are no longer praying, you are having an episode of schizophrenia.

Q: What different types of government did the colonies have?

A: All different kinds! In the South, the people were governed by rich, land-owning white men who owned slaves, while up in the North, the people were governed by rich, land-owning white men who owned slightly fewer slaves.

Q: Can you give me of an example of a speech about wise friendship?

A: Sure. I just jotted something down here. It's pretty much off the top of my head, but I feel it contains wisdom. Okay, here goes:

Thank you, for being a friend. Travel round the world and back again. Your heart is true. You are a pal and a confidant. If you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew, You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say: Thank you for being a friend.

I would also include my name, so you would know who gave you the large gift.

Q: What are the methods of dealing with inappropriate interpersonal communication between individuals in health and social care setting?

A: In all my years of conflict resolution, I find the best method is firing a stray bullet into the ceiling. It immediately ends all conversation and lets everyone know who is in charge.

Q: When a girl says she likes to take it slow can a guy call or send messages during that period of time?

A: Yes, of course. The most effective message would be a picture of you with another girl with text that reads "Here's what you are missing."