Q: What is a collapse plot?

A: I guess the jig is up. I might as well come clean.

A collapse plot, rather, my collapse plot was plan, eight months in the making, to kill you and take your money. It was a pretty ingenious plan. I'm not just saying that because it was my plan, I'm basing my assessment solely on the plan itself. Specifically on it's ingenious nature.

First I'd bump into you at the supermarket, then I'd befriend you, gain your confidence, insinuate myself into every nook of your life, create conflict between you and your loved ones, slowly strip away all stability in your life, until I was your only friend and you had no choice but to name me as your sole heir, I lure you into the woods, where you would "accidentally" stumble into a pit full of sharp sticks, old bear traps broken glass, allowing me to collect my inheritance.

As you are now aware, my plan did not go as smoothly as I hoped. Perhaps my excitement got the better of me. Perhaps I shouldn't have marked the pit with a large, neon X. Perhaps I shouldn't have shouted "THE COLLAPSE PLOT CONCLUDES!" as you approached the pit. Perhaps my diabolical laugh was a mistake.  Perhaps I shouldn't have hired that marching band, and those cheerleaders, and had all those balloons drop from the trees. I realize now that I may have alerted you a little too soon.

Judging from the look on your face and the gun in your hand, I'm assuming there will be some changes in your will. I understand. But, if I may make one request: Before you shoot me, please help me clean up these balloons. All that latex is bad for the environment. Plus, I rented them from a party store and I'd really like to get my deposit back.