Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Q: What is 3 challenges in Puerto Rico?

A: As a traveling businessman in Puerto Rico, you will face the following challenges.

Challenge Number One: The language barrier. Many Puerto Ricans are stubborn and insist on speaking in Spanish. Often, they will pretend that they can't speak or understand English, making it near impossible for them to understand your demands, no matter how loud you shout while waving your gun.

Challenge Number Two: Local Law Enforcement. The Puerto Rican police operate under a Shoot-First-Ask-Questions-Later-Then-Shoot-A-Few-More-Times-Just-To-Be-Safe policy. Such a policy can impede the day to day business of the typical entrepreneur abroad. More than once I have been in the middle of a complex negotiation, about to reach a break through, only to have the police arrive and ruin hours of hard work with their sirens and gunshots and bullhorn-amplified demands that I release hostages.

Challenge Number Three: Geography. Puerto Rico is an island, limiting escape routes. No matter which way you run, or how man cars you commandeer, you will eventually reach the ocean. And that means a lot of swimming. On a map, it might seem like Puerto Rico is right next to the Dominican Republic, but maps, like informants, lie. The Dominican Republic is dozens of miles away, too far for even the strongest swimmer, even when he is not burdened by bags of gold and small, attractive hostages.

These challenges nay seem insurmountable, but I assure you that with the proper planning and execution, they can be overcome. The rewards are worth it. Now put on this ski mask and get out of the van. The guard just fell asleep.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook