Q: What is in a starfish food chain?

A: Microscopic plankton ==> Starfish ===> People starving to death on deserted islands.

Q: Are your reindeer sleeping?

A: Yes. Yes. Of course they are. That is why they are so still and quiet. Because they are sleeping and not for any other reason.

Incidentally, what did you think of those burgers I made earlier? They were made of beef. Pure, beef and nothing else.

They tasted like beef to me.

No, I've always had 7 reindeer. I don't think any are missing.

That's not blood. I must have spilled some red paint when I was painting the sleigh.

How about we stop asking questions and we go back inside for some more, delicious burgers?

I'll be there in a minute. If you hear a chainsaw, it's because I am making some adjustments to the sleigh.

Q: What are the aims of the UK organization 'Children in Need'?

A: To provide the youth of today with proper fake beards and moustaches, so they can sneak into adult movies and strip clubs.

Q: How are teens after rehab?

A: Far less susceptible to the lures of drugs and alcohol. You're going to have to try actually being charming. Or, invest in some ether.

Q: Why were cats sacred to ancient Romans?

A: Ancient Romans? Oh, you mean that lovely couple down the street who passed away recently? They weren't Ancient Romans. They were a very old couple from Italy.

I don't know if cats were sacred to them. They just had a lot of them. I think it's all they had.

No, you can't have one of the cats. Most of them are feral. The rest died from eating the corpses.