Q: Are girls scouts as prepared as boy scouts?

A: They say they are. They share a motto, "Be Prepared."

Don't believe it.

Most Boy Scouts spend their idle time imaging a day when their parents will be gone, their teachers vanished, their friends mysteriously absent, leaving them all alone in a desolate wasteland. They plan for such a day - secretly hope for it - squirreling away food and supplies and toys in their tree forts or backyard pits. Most Girl Scouts spend their idle time trying to figure out a way to avoid creepy survivalist boys.

Boy Scouts love kung fu movies and pro wrestling and every other sort of pretend fighting entertainment you can imagine. They've picked up a few rather effective moves, along with many comically ineffective moves. But they are ready to spring these vicious attacks on any attacker at any time. They live in a constant of readiness. Girl Scouts live in a constant state of happiness. Except the sad ones. But they mostly keep to themselves.

Boy Scouts are far more prepared than Girl Scouts. If you insist on hunting the most dangerous game - man - but want to start somewhere realistic, your best option is a Girl Scout. Just don't make the same mistake Mr. Paley did and hang one on you trophy wall. Turns out folks around here are a little uptight.