Q: What are the rights and responsibilities of employers and employees?

A: It is the right of an employer to pay their employees as little as possible to do their jobs, to constantly remind them they are lucky to have a job in this economy and to blame their employees for any mistakes.

It is the right of the employee to do as little work as possible to earn their salary, to constantly bitch about every task asked of them, and to answer all deflect all blame with the simple phrase "What do you want from me? I just work here."

Q: What does it mean a black cat crossing your path while driving?

A: You shouldn't drive your go cart around the living room.

Q: When did harry potter get the scar on his face?

A: He claims he got it when his parents died. I'm pretty sure he says that so the girls will like them. I knew him when he was younger. He didn't that have that scar. He did have an enormous unibrow.

One year, after not seeing him all summer, he showed up for the first day of school without his unibrow and with that scar on his forehead.

You do the math.

If you can't do math, I have included the handy formula below.

Forehead-Unibrow=Scar

So, should we go back to my place?

Q: Do goldfish eat snails?

A: Goldfish eat anything or anyone they can get their greedy little gills on. That's why we keep them in such tiny bowls. To protect the snails.

And the children.

But mostly the snails.

Q: Are myths and legends real?

A: It's a case by case basis. The myth of the Loch Ness Monster is fake, but the Legend of Bagger Vance is 100 percent real. So are centaurs. 100 percent real. Like that one over there.

I know what you're thinking. "That's just a guy wearing the bottom half of a horse costume." You are half right.

He is wearing the bottom half of a horse costume AND he is a centaur. You would be able to see his horse half if he didn't have the fake horse half in front of it.

You'll have to trust me. Now hop in and I'll take you to see that Griffin I was telling you about.

No, you don't need to tell your friends where you are going. You'll be back in a jiffy.

Put on this blindfold.

Because I don't want you to know how to find the Griffin. He's very private.

Wow. You are incredibly trusting. This will be fun.

What?

I did not say that out loud.