Q: What nerves are involved in drinking?

A: You misunderstand. I need a drink to steady my nerves. That's what I said.

Honestly, I'm surprised you heard me. The anesthesia should have taken effect by now. You need more gas.

Wow, my hands are so shaky I can't get a grip on the valve. Look at them. I'm not shaking them on purpose, I'm trying to keep them steady. They've never been this bad.

Of course I've repaired a spleen before. That's not why I'm nervous.

For a guy without insurance, you sure ask a lot of questions.

Calm down, calm down. One drink and I'll be fine. Just give me one second to -

Ha. Will you look at that? I can't even unscrew this bottle of Jack. I'd ask you to help, but I don't want to undo your restraints. My nurse took a john out to her car. I can't tie you back up without her. She's really good with knots. Kind of her thing.

Damn, I really need this whiskey. What if I ...

Fuck.

I hope I didn't get any glass in your eye. I didn't expect the bottle to shatter like that. I thought I could knock the the top off, but keep the bottle intact. Maybe next time. We may have to cancel your surgery, I'm afraid -
Wait, don't move. There's a puddle of whiskey on your stomach. Stay very still. This might be enough.

You're not ticklish, are you.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh. That hit the spot. And look, no more shakes. All right, let's crank the gas, get you out and take out that spleen.

Repair the spleen. That's what I said. What did you think I said?

Why would I take out your spleen? You're not making any sense. Time for more gas!

Hmmm. The tank's empty. I must have used it all up before you got here. I get nervous before I meet new patients. There's some real weirdos out there. Lucky for you, I have a back up anesthetic. This hammer. Don't move.

Now, which one is the spleen?