Thursday, May 19, 2011

Q: Does blood pump only from an atrium to a ventricle?

A: That's how it's supposed to work. In theory.

Of course, everything works in theory: Communism, hoverboards, long distance relationships. Unfortunately, we don't live in theory, we live in reality, a place where the unexpected becomes the norm, where selfish competition and laziness rule, where romantic partners who live across the country are likely to grow lonely and seek comfort in the arms of attractive co-workers, where skateboards need wheels to go anywhere.

Also found in reality: kitchen knives. Knives that, when plunged into the human chest over and over, disrupt the theoretical function of the heart. Instead of pumping blood from an atrium to a ventricle, a heart full of kitchen knife is likely to pump blood all over the kitchen floor.

There is a lesson here: the heart is a fragile instrument and the slightest interference can create unexpected complications.

Another lesson: when your wife asks if you would sleep with her sister "in theory," say "No" and move on with your life. Don't shout "Yes! Yes! Yes! For the love of God, Yes!" Don't go into graphic detail about your fantasies. And whatever you do, don't show your wife diagrams of potential lovemaking positions that you have drawn on napkins, place mats and envelopes over the years.

About Me

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook