Q: What are the 2 factors that affect the force of gravity?

A: Cooking time and choice of meat stock.

Oh, gravity? I thought you said gravy. The force of gravy.

Look, the force of gravity is pretty boring, all math and formulas and facts you have to know about the mass of the earth and various celestial bodies. The force of gravy, now that's something.

You can read all about it in my new book, Gravy Force. It's about of team of chefs who form a crime fighting team after a serial arsonist burns down their restaurants. I may be new to writing, but I'm really proud of it. It has a great story and believable characters and page after page of detailed descriptions, mostly about the way a shotgun full of gravy melts the face of a serial arsonist. There are some graphic sex scenes, too. It's a very good book.

Well, it's not really a book. More of a treatment. I guess a glorified outline. I wrote it fast, so it's sloppy and all over the place. Now that I think about it, it's less an outline and more a bunch of notes on a cocktail napkin.

One note really.

Hot gravy kill arsonist.

I've had a hard time moving on since the fire.