Q: What is a social or seasonal behavior for a Siberian tiger?

A: In the winter, they mostly keep to themselves, spending most of their time with their families, sleeping or mating. They're pretty docile that time of year.

In the summer, they roam the fields, in small packs, looking for prey. They'll attack almost anything. They'll eat pretty much anything. Over the past few years, they've really developed a taste for human flesh.

Specifically, soft, pink human flesh, like the flesh of children. They can't get enough of it.

Yup. Siberian tigers are mighty nasty in the summer. It's a terrible time of year to try and photograph one.

This is all explained in the brochure.

Sure it is.

Give me that.

See? Right here, in the very small print, under the picture of the young child riding a Siberian tiger, it says "Between the months of May and September, Siberian tigers are extremely dangerous and bloodthirsty, and should not be approached or photographed. If you see one, you should run."

And below that, if look closely it says, "This photograph was taken in March. The tiger was heavily sedated."

And below that, now the print is real small here, "The Siberian Tiger Family Adventure is not responsible for any injuries, dismemberments or deaths caused by Siberian tigers."

And below that, it says "No refunds."

As you can see, it's spelled out plainly here in the brochure.

Too bad about your boy.

I'm sure next time, you'll read the fine print.

Q: What are three differences between democracies and dictatorship?

A:  Dictators dress in full military regalia, as if they are on the brink of war. Democractic leaders dress like they are about to enter a very important job interview.

Dictatorships do not allow dissent of any kind. Democracies champion free speech, as long as it does not upset anyone, or hurt someone's feelings, or has anything to do with sex.

Democracies pretend to give power to the average person, even though they are controlled by a select group of very wealthy individuals. Dictatorships don't bother with all the lies.

Q: What would happen to a plant exposed to green light?

A: It will not turn into The Incredible Hulk.

No will die. Cities will be unharmed.

Everything will be okay.

You can relax, Dr. Banner.

That's not your life anymore.

You're a botanist now. You have a stable, peaceful life.

You won't turn into that monster again.

You are so calm now. Nothing gets to you. You didn't even seem to get mad when you found me making love to your girlfriend the other day, in the supply closet.

I thought you saw us.

I didn't know your vision was so bad without your glasses.

Calm down, Bruce. It didn't mean anything. I didn't even enjoy it. She mostly just laid there anyway.

It was like fucking a pillow.

Oh, you're really angry now.

Damn.

Running won't help me, will it?

Q: What is the skin between the tongue and lower palette called?

A: Chicken skin.

A whole lot of chicken skin.

There must be two pounds here.

You might want to consider chewing more.

Or at least chewing some.

Q: What is Dominos Pizza's Mission Statement?

A: 1.) Domino's Pizza will make the best pizza, from the freshest ingredients.

2.) Domino's Pizza will hand deliver a piping hot pizza directly to your door, in thirty minutes or less.

3.) If sales suffer and we lose market share, Domino's Pizza will admit that our pizza is not all that great.

4.) Domino's Pizza will not go into detail. We will not admit that our crust tastes like cardboard, our ingredients have clearly been frozen, and that our cheese-like topping bears no relation to an actual dairy product.

5.) Domino's Pizza will not offer refunds for ruined pizza parties, or birthdays, or first dates. We will merely offer an apology.

6.) Domino's Pizza will announce a new recipe and encourage America to give us a second chance.

7.) Domino's pizza will continue to prey on the naivete of America.

8.) Most importantly, Domino's Pizza will always, forever, tirelessly, avoid the Noid.