Thursday, July 7, 2011

Q: How many muscles does the human forearm have?

A: There are over 20 muscles in the normal human forearm.

You have 4.

We had the rest removed to make space for your cybernetic wrist and elbow. They need a lot of room to operate and your muscles just got in the way.

We figured one we replaced your frail human wrist and your frail human elbow with a super-strong cyborg wrist and a super-strong cyborg elbow, giving you new super-arm, you'd be able to throw a fastball over 100 miles an hour, win Major League contract, enabling your mother and I to retire and spend the rest of our years traveling the globe and living the good life.

We figured wrong.

Turns out, Major League Baseball prohibits the use of cybernetic parts.
And you throw like a girl.

I guess it's back to the drawing board. On the bright side, you'll be able to give the world's greatest high-five, just as soon as some of the neighbors get cybernetic limbs for their kids.

That might take a while. We keep dropping hints at dinner parties, but no one else wants to take the plunge. They mostly look at us in horror while slowly backing away.  I guess they heard about the gangrene.

Speaking of ... Would it kill you to wear long sleeves?

Q: Can you sue a sibling for parents funeral expense?

A: As an American, you can sue anyone for anything at anytime. That's your right.

You can even sue your own brother solely because he chose an expensive coffin - one made of mahogany and gilded with brass - instead of the coffin you preferred,  made of old refrigerator boxes. That is your right.

Now, this is just my opinion, but such matters ought to be handled privately, with discretion, and with the help of unbiased professionals. Your should be talking about this privately, to a lawyer, after the ceremony. Not during the eulogy.

That is not right.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook