Q: Is it absolutely mandatory for university students to find summer jobs during summer break?

A: Of course not, honey. But I'd hate to see you give up on your dream.

If you want to write that bestseller about being a college student by day and an escort by night, you're going to have to, you know, someday be an escort.

You can't sit around the house all summer, eating nachos and watching Sex and the City reruns and say you're turning tricks. That doesn't count.

I know it hurt when the big agencies turned you down, honey, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself. I hear a lot of girls in your field start small, with an ad on Craigslist.

Make sure you don't use a recent picture. What do they feed you at that college? Gravy?

Q: What is manpower inc business level strategy?

A: We believe that there isn't a business problem in the world that can't be solved with manpower.

It's that simple.

Is your new business failing because you can't spread the word about your competitive prices and superior products? That sounds like a job for more manpower.

Are you having a hard time keeping up in today's ever changing marketplace? I have two words for you: More. Manpower.

Do you find yourself constantly at the mercy of roving gangs of armed hoodlums breaking in at all hours of the day and night, stealing your inventory and driving you straight to the poor house? If you have that problem, and no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire more manpower.

So, we've got the strategy down. Potential clients have our phone ringing off the hook. We've promised them an army of cheap, expendable manpower. They're counting on it.

That's where you come in.

Remember when you asked if your cousin from North Korea could crash on my place when he comes to visit?

He sure can, on one condition. He must bring twenty thousands of his friends.

They better have basic carpentry skills, and have a positive attitude, or the deal is off!

Q: What is usually the first page a visitor will go to in a website?

A: They will usually go to the home page. After that, they will go to whatever page they find most pertinent to the matter at hand. For instance, someone visiting a site about how to cook salmon, might go to the Frequently Asked Questions page, figuring that's where he could find answers to common questions.

Along those lines, someone who goes to a website devoted to surviving a snake bite might want information about how to survive a snake bite. If they can't find that information on the home page, they will look for a FAQ, or perhaps a search option. If they're visiting the website, they're probably there for a reason. That reason is probably to find information to help survive a snake bite.

They're probably not interested in photos from your bowling league's banquet. Or songs you wrote inspired by reruns of Mama's Family. Or lists of celebrities you would like to impregnate. Half of these people are dead by the way. That's just creepy. And Bert Parks? Seriously? He's a dude. Where's the fetus going to gestate?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I'm a little emotional. A rattlesnake bit my friend Tommy on a hike yesterday. Google led me to your site and, well, you know what happened next. You've read the lawsuit.

No, he was not comforted by the photos of you holding a bowling trophy as his life slipped away. If anything, your website made him angry, his blood pressure to rise and sending the poison coursing through his veins even faster. All of this is covered in the lawsuit, which I watched you read.

I'm beginning to think you don't know what words mean.

Q: Is it OK for a mother in law to give her daughter in law a baby shower?

A: The idea itself is perfectly acceptable. The location concerns isn't.

It's not okay to hold the baby shower in an actual shower.

And it's certainly not okay for the shower to be in a prison.

Handing out  toothbrushes as party favors seems a  little tacky. Handing out  toothbrushes, sharpened into shivs, seems downright alarming. Handing out a toothbrushes, sharpened into shivs, with your daughter-in-laws named carved into them, borders on conspiracy to commit murder.

I'm not sure how things work on the inside, but out here in the civilized world, we cut our in-laws to ribbons in a figurative sense, with sarcastic comments about their weight, careers and parenting.

Use your words.

The cuts go much deeper. And they last a lifetime.

Q: Is north America having democracy?

A: That's what we're trying to figure out. That's why we've called this meeting.

Many of us feel that we should choose to be a democracy, since it is the most fair, most just form of government. A government by the people, for the people can be more than a ideal dream. With enough votes, with enough courage, we can make it a reality.

Some of you disagree. I've heard rumblings of electing Washington king for life. I thought that's why we left England in the first place, and fought that war. Perhaps I misunderstood. I hope not. I was rather attached to my leg and would feel foolish if I had been in error to take arms against the crown.

A few of you have suggested a government determined by random draw, with the nation's leaders being selected every two weeks by pulling their name out of a wig. At the risk of offending some of you, I must say this suggestion is beyond ludicrous. It sounds like something a child would suggest.

A child did suggest it?

I thought children were banned. Children do not belong at this convention and have no place in the formation of government.

That was not a shot at you, Mr. Madison. Don't get so defensive.

As laughable as the child's suggestion may be, I find it more agreeable than Mr. Franklin's plan to have our nation ruled by a coalition of kites that have gained the power of sentient thought due to prolonged exposure to lightening.

Ben, please stop frequenting the brothels. And go see a doctor. The syphilis is affecting your judgment.

We seem to be at a deadlock. Can we all agree that, due the many sacrifices made by our countrymen in our war for independence, we pretend to be a democracy, for a time period of no less than eight years, simply to improve national morale? We don't actually have to be a democracy, we must only claim to be, and hope no one reads the fine print.

So, it's settled. Now let's all go get drunk and party with Jefferson's slave girls.

Please don't bring the kites, Ben. No one is ever impressed.