Q: What happens if you fail a drug test for sports?

A: You're going to have to return all those gold medals.

You should stop handing them out to the children.

And stop posing with them for photographs.

I should have realized something was fishy when you won the shot put. Most sprinters don't excel at throwing.

It really should have been a tip off when you swept the swimming events.

The most medals won by a single competitor in one year, and they are all tainted.

I am very disappointed in you.

This scandal will destroy the Special Olympics.

Q: What causes toenails to bruise?

A: This hammer.

This hammer I am using to hit you on the toes.

This hammer I am using to hit you on the toes until you tell me where you hid the money.

Are you following any of this?

Oh boy.

I really shouldn't have let you smoke all that pot before I started to torture you.

Q: What would you use to measure how crowded a country or region is?

Q: A warning shot.

If no one runs, you are in a rural area.

If over twenty people are trampled in the ensuing panic, you are in a city.

If people starting shooting back, you are in Detroit.

Q: How long does it take for priority mail during holidays?

 A: The United States Postal Service will not deliver any letters addressed in blood, no matter how many stamps you use.

Q: What is the shiny stuff on grapefruits?

A: That's wax.

I know, it's unusual to have a grapefruit in a bowl of wax fruit.

It's also unusual to have your grandmother stuffed and mounted above your bed, but that didn't stop me.

Would you like to see her? She's very lifelike.

And now you're running away.

That line never works.