Q: How does bacterial food poisoning develop?

A: Much the same way as regular food poisoning. Someone has a social commitment they would love to skip and is unable to think of a good excuse. Throwing in the word "bacterial" makes it sound worse.

Q: Where did ponchos originate?

A: A man cut a hole in a sack to shield him from the rain. Another man saw this and said "There's money to be made here."

The second approached the man with the sack and asked to speak to him. Then he stabbed the man with the sack in the stomach and stole his wallet.

Years later, in a completely unrelated story, the second man created the poncho.

Q: What are the steps taken to determine that ethanol will not conduct electricity?

1. Fill a bathtub with ethanol.
2. Have your friend climb into tub.
3. Plug in toaster.
4. Throw toaster to friend.
5. Yell "Heads up!"
6. Wait.
7. Check friend's vital signs.

Q: What is the most popular sport in the fall?

A: You can read all kinds of charts and graphs that will tell you that it's football, but you and I know better, don't we?

We both know that the fall's most popular sport is, was, and will always be hunting homeless men like game.

Now start running. I'm going to give you a 30 second head start.

Q: Why did Barbara McClintock die?

A: When it comes to choosing the cup that caught the blood of Christ at his Crucifixion, there are two types of people. Those who choose well, and those who choose poorly.

Barbara McClintock chose poorly.