Q: Can you work with this diploma cornerstone christian correspondence school?

A: I can do so much with it!

I can make it into a paper plane. Or crumple it into a ball and start a paper fight. Or I can wave it like a white flag to announce my surrender. I can even use it to write down notes, like grocery lists or ideas for faith-based sitcoms.

Oh, here's one - Jesus Christ and his Amazing Jew Crew. Jesus and his wacky gang of merry pranksters travel the countryside, solving crimes, righting wrongs and evicting the money changers from the temple, all the while trying to stay one step ahead of that dastardly Pontius Pilate and his Keystone Centurions.

So, as you can see I can do many things with my Christian correspondence diploma.

One thing I can not do is find a job. It turns out I probably should have gone to a normal high school like everyone else in town. Maybe then I wouldn't have to sell plasma to pay for food.

Thanks again, Dad.

Q: What did the kids in the Maryland colony learn?

A: How to keep the count.

Where to hide the package.

When to order the re-up.

How often to toss their burners.

To always keep their mouth shut.

Not to cross Avon or Stringer.

To run when Omar comes around.

And the most important lesson of all:

You come at the king, you best not miss.

Q: Can bearded dragons have diarrhea?

A: Sure they can, if they eat the wrong things, or catch a stomach virus.

However, there's usually not so much of it. And they generally keep it in their cage.

They usually don't spray it all over the walls.

And they usually don't write with it.

It would be unusual for a bearded dragon to write "Worst Roommate Ever!" on my door.

You see, bearded dragons can't even read, let alone write, let alone compose a sentence. An exclamation point would be a complete mystery to them.

Is there something you want to say about our living situation?

Q: What newspaper can you put a legal notice in to get married?

A: Why bother to put it in the paper when you can announce the news on your blog?

Oh.

I see.

Your fiance doesn't know about your blog?

You haven't told her?

I guess she wouldn't have a whole lot of interest in HotChicksIveBanged.Com.

I assume you're going to shut down the site now that you are getting married.

Really?

That is a good point. Most marriages do end in divorce these days. You're wise to keep your options open for down the road.

Q: What is harp seal defense and offense?

A: Harp seals usually run a 3-4. They have some quickness on the outside and more than enough big bodies to clog up the middle. More than enough. Have you ever seen a harp seal? They're basically a team of nose tackles.

On offense, the usually run a spread, but other teams have been catching up to them as of late, so they are thinking of installing a pro-style offense next year. They also feel that adding the pro-style will help them in recruiting. They're sick of losing so many of their top prospects to Florida State.