Q: What is the first step taken when commencing first aid on a conscious adult?

A: First, calm down. Then, stop screaming.

Please stop screaming. It's just a paper cut. There's no need to freak out and cause a scene. It's just a little paper -

- Oh dear.

That's not good. 

You can start screaming again.

Q: Can you download Facetime?

A: Son, face time isn't a computer program, it's quality time spent with another person, face to face. If you want some face time with your dad, all you have to do is ask me.

Oh, and tell my assistant, Karen. She gets really pissy when I book my own appointments. But you know how women get, always trying to control everything.

Or maybe you don't know. Maybe that's why you want to talk to me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, son. Save it for the face time. I'm kind of busy right now.

We'll have that face time soon, real soon. Just let me know when you want to do it, check with Karen - oh, make sure it's not a Thursday. Thursday's are packed. So, no Thursdays. Or Wednesdays. Or Fridays. Definitely not the weekends. Tuesday's are no good, either.

But any other day is fine. Just let me know. And Karen.

When did you want to have that face time?

Now's no good. I think I made that clear.

Please calm down.

Why is it so urgent that we talk right now? Why can't it wait?

Haven't you always been missing that finger? I swear you have.