Q: How much does it cost to make a will?

A: Why do you want to make a will, Dad?

Aren't you going to leave everything to me when you die?

That was always my understanding. That's why I spent all those years running your companies, doing your dirty work, and burying the skeletons in your closet, both literal and figurative.

I wouldn't have done all that if I knew you would get remarried at the age of 82 and leave everything to your new wife and her freakish, hillbilly family.

I thought you got that hillbilly jones out of your system. That's why we opened that plant in Kentucky.

If you insist on making a will, I'll draw one up for you, free of charge. All you'll need to do is sign it. I'll take care of the rest. I'll make sure your lovely new bride gets taken care of. I'll even buy her a home without wheels on it. She'll be thrilled.

What do you say, Dad?

You better decide soon. The trains pretty close.

It's going to take me a while to untie you.

Q: Who illustrated the human body systems?

A: Many have tried. Most have failed. None have succeeded like I have.

Feast your eyes on these, my glorious illustrations!

Don't they capture the wonderful symmetry, the pure beauty, the enchanting essence of the human form?

I'm really bad at drawing feet. I don't think it's much of a stretch to say that roller skates are part of the typical human body system.

I've never seen a naked women up close, so I had to use my imagination to fill in some of the blanks. It has been brought to my attention that there are less teeth in that particular area of the female anatomy.

Far less.

None to be exact.

As I said, I can't be sure personally, and I choose to stand by my work.

You must give me credit for daring and creativity.

And patience. Sketching, while hiding in a tree, and holding binoculars is much harder than it looks.

Q: What age can minors choose which parent they want to live with in a divorce?

A: As long as the court feels that the child can make an informed decision, age doesn't matter.

Even if age did matter, it wouldn't be a factor in your case.

As a 33 year old man, you do not qualify as a minor. You can choose to live with whomever you like.

However, it is the opinion of this court that you find your own place, get out of the house once in a while, and try talking to a girl.

Maybe if you had done that sooner, your parents would still be married, instead of torn apart by the constant financial and emotional strain of caring for a man who refuses to work, or help around the house, or sleep in his own bed.

I'm not saying this is all your fault. Legally, I can't.

But, if you were my son, I would have locked you in the fridge until you suffocated and told the police that you are very bad at hide and seek.

Obviously your father and I have different parenting styles.