Q: What are the most important cognitive changes that take place in young adults?

A: You start to realize that adults may be simply older versions of children, and all their "experience" and "wisdom" are nothing more than overheard platitudes and marketing slogans.

You will also like The Doors for a few years, before eventually realizing that they kind of suck.

Q: Who is considered the best spine surgeon in India?

A: Um ... Wow ... This is awkward.

When that elephant trampled you, it really didn't crush your spine. We told you that so you wouldn't freak out.

The elephant  popped your head right off your body. Like a champagne cork.

It was actually pretty amazing.

That's why you can't feel anything below your neck. You don't have anything below your neck.

Oh, don't be such a baby. We only told you that you still had a spine because we thought you'd be dead by now.

Honestly, we have no idea how you are still alive.

I promise you this: Once you die, which should be any moment, we will totally use your head as a soccer ball.

You are welcome.

Q: What mineral is most common in beach sand?

A: Diamonds! Hundreds of thousands of diamonds! This beach is rich with them.

You still can't find any? 

I tell you, they are everywhere. Keep digging. Don't get discouraged.

Your mom and I are just going to go for a little ... chat. Behind this sand dune.

There are no diamonds over here. 

They are over there. Farther out. Keep digging. Don't give up.

Keep looking for the diamonds and ignore any noises you hear from behind this sand dune. Your mom and I are just rehearsing for a play.

Of course you'll find diamonds. Would your favorite Uncle ever lie to you? 

Q: How much money you get when your paycheck rise when your a police officer?

A: You're a good kid, Nelson. You have all the makings of a good cop.

But it's time you learned some cold, hard facts about police work.

We get paid to keep the peace. We prevent crime and arrest suspects and occasionally settle disputes. We also write a lot of reports.

If we do all this well, and we kiss the right ass and have the right last name, we can get promoted. With promotion comes the money. That's how we make our paycheck rise.

Despite what you may have heard, we don't get a bonus for every drug dealer we kill.

Especially when the drug dealers in question are pharmacists.

I know you took it hard when your wife overdosed on sleeping pills, Nelson. But she had a legal prescription for them. No one broke any laws. No one murdered her.

She took her own life.

Simply because she couldn't stand to be with you for another moment.

She explained it all in this note. You might want to read it. It is addressed to you.

You should probably give me your gun first.

Q: How do you make games work?

A: I have no idea. He's pretty lazy. We've tried everything.

We tried yelling at him. He just napped.

We tried threatening him. He just laughed.

We tried locking him out of his office and withholding his pay until he actually did something. He just napped.

Then he sued us. He hired a very good lawyer. It was a black eye for the company.

So, we decided to cut our losses and named Ronald Barron Games president of our company.

We still haven't figured out a way to make him work.

The stockholders seem to like him.

They consider his mumbled speeches and constant yawning "folksy".