Q: Why do you get drowsy in the afternoon?

A: I wake up early most days, around 6:30AM. I write for an hour, jog for twenty minutes, check my emails, walk the dog, make breakfast, take a shower, get dressed, climb into the car and head to work.

I drink my first bottle of scotch in the car on the way to work.

I drink my second bottle during the 10:30 conference call with the execs in Phoenix and Vancouver. Now, these are small bottle we're talking about, only 750ml, so I'm only a little buzzed. I'm not guzzling handles of booze in the morning. It's not like I have a problem or anything.

After the call, I sneak out for an early lunch, where I throw back about four or five tequila shots, a couple of beers and a plate of chicken wings - need to get my energy up for my meeting with the Art Department.

The guys in the Art Department have the best weed. Those meetings generally run about two hours.Three if someone brought chips. By this point, I've been up for almost 10 hours straight. As you can imagine, I;m pretty tired. And pretty hammered. That's why I like to take a nap. I find that I sleep better in a hammock. I used to crawl under my desk, but then I'd just get cranky. Nobody wants me to come to the 6PM staff meeting cranky, do they?

I didn't think so. Now let's order that hammock and installed.

I don't care if we don't have a line item for hammocks in the budget. Make it work. If you need to free up some money, get rid of Jenkins. I have no idea what he does.

You're Jenkins? Then who is that over there? The fat guy with the green skin who sits at his desk all day and doesn't move?

A statue of our founder? I've been calling that thing Jenkins for months. I feel like an asshole.

So, Jenkins, how about that hammock?