Q: What would happen if you altered the cells in a human?

A: I'm so glad you asked.

Over the past year, in addition to our assigned work creating a cow that will yield more meat, directly produce milk and lay chicken eggs, some of us in the Genetics Department have spent the better part of our nights and weekends on a little side project. We've kept this project quiet because we didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. but last night we made a breakthrough.

All me to present ... The Perfect Human!

Now, this is only a prototype. The real Perfect Human won't have that smell. Or be that color. And it will still be alive. But look at the muscles and the wings and the claws and the shoulder mounted cannons. You have to admit those are pretty awesome.

Obviously we have some bugs to fix. We need to find a way to either reinforce the skeleton, or reduce the weight of the cannon, so the collarbone doesn't snap. And we'd like to keep the next one alive.

But as you can see, we're making progress.

Now, as our CEO, we need a few things from you. First, we need a significant increase in our department's budget. Second, we need blanket authorization for all human genetics related overtime. Third, we need you to find a new wife. Maybe someone who's a little less feisty. We probably would have finished the prototype earlier if we didn't have to spend so much time hitting her over the head with our shoes. But you can't build the Perfect Human without the right specimen.

You're a lucky man, sir. She's a very beautiful woman. Was a beautiful woman. Who knows, maybe we could bring her back, if we had a big enough budget.