Q: How many athletes have died because of injuries sustained in a game?

A: In the millions of games played at the amateur and professional level over the course of human existence, very few athletes have died as a result of game-related injuries.

Until today.

In retrospect, your decision to let a teenage werewolf play quarterback may have been a mistake. But I admit, it seemed like a good idea at the time. In wolf form, he was stronger and faster than everyone on the field, probably stronger and faster than anyone in the history of the game. There's no way you could lose.

And then everything went wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

Turns out werewolves are more interested in killing and eating people than they are in running the spread option. In retrospect, maybe you should have benched him after he celebrated his first touchdown by decapitating the other team's safety. Although it was kind of cool when he spiked the kid's head like a football. I remember enjoying that. Then again, I may have been in shock.

But you trusted your gut and kept him in the game. Even after he killed our halfback. And our tight end. And the rest of our team. And the other team. And the cheerleaders. And the referees.

Thank god we let Old Man Winters come to the game. Can you imagine what would have happened if he didn't have those silver bullets? And to think we wanted to have him banned for his anti-werewolf rhetoric.


On the bright side, Coach, you've earned a place in the history books, but probably not in the way you hoped. Instead of being mentioned in the same breath as Bear Bryant and Vince Lombardi, you'll be lumped in with Stalin and Pol Pot. There could be worse things to have on a tombstone than "The Pol Pot of high school football." At least two or three. No one's compared you to Hitler.

Wait. I didn't see that guy's sign.