Q: How much food did a roman soldier get?

A: Roman soldiers got one turkey leg and half a tomato a day. Now we're talking about the grunts, the guys in the in the front getting their hands dirty, the ones with the swords and the helmets and the chest plates. Those guys. Your Roman brass, though I'm not sure if they were called brass back then, maybe bronze, your Roman bronze, your generals like your Ceasar's and such, and that other guy, what's his name, the farmer who didn't want to fight but was so good at fighting that when Rome was under attack they'd go out to his farm and beg him to come back and lead the army, and he'd do it, and he'd win, because he was wicked good at being a general, and they'd cheer him and throw parades and beg him - and I'm talking down on the hands and knees, crying, pleading real begging with the snot bubbles and everything - I mean beg him to rule them and keep the safe forever, but he'd say NO and go back to his farm ... God, what's his name ... Cincinnatus. That's him. Cincinnatus. He reminds me a lot of me, except that instead of being real good at being a general but not having any interest in it, I feel that way about being a father.

Yeah, your generals like Caesar and Cicinnatus ate better than your grunts. Every day, they got a turkey leg, two tomatoes, and all the horsemeat from the horses died in battle.

So finish your Happy Meal. I don't care if it's cold, you're eating better than Caesar.