Q: How do you advise a neighbour cheating on his wife?

A: With a helpful letter, written with words cut of magazines, that begins "I know what you are doing ..." and offers to keep the matter between the two of you, for a low monthly fee, placed in a garbage bag, and left outside his back door on the 8th of every month.

As a good neighbor, you might also want to advise him of the risks that might occur should payment failed to be made. Such phrases as "I'd hate to see what your pretty little wife does when she watches the video," or "What will your children think of you when you're out on the street" remind your neighbor that you are a valuable friend, who only has his best interests at heart.

But no matter how you word your letter, be sure that the monetary amounts are legible and that the threats are genuine. Other than that, go with your heart.  Let your creativity blossom.

Just make sure you don't sign your name. Or include a business card. That's kind of tacky.

Q: How can a retailer differentiate his market from that of his competitors?

A: With an enormous, neon billboard.

Just think of it! A billboard, fifty feet high, right on top of your store, with your name in flashing lights, that can be seen three towns away. Beneath your name, a huge arrow, pointing straight down, so people know where to find your store. I stumbled upon your store by accident. I wasn't looking for it. Why would I be?

I don't think your competitors even have a sign. From what I have heard, they barely even advertise, mostly relying on word of mouth. I'm not even sure you have competitors. At least, that's what I hear. I don't really know. I just wandered in here.

Nevertheless, you must build the billboard. Raise it high, hit the lights, and before you know it, everyone in the land will know that "Bill's House of Irregular Cock Rings"  is the best, perhaps only, place to buy a ring for their irregular shaped cock.

I would think some people would be very interested in knowing that such a store exists. Thrilled even. Again, I can only assume. I stepped in here to get out of the rain.

But, since I'm here, I'm take three of the Starfish, and two of the Mr. Snuffleupagus.

They're for a friend.

Q: Is it possible for a kitten to have a white nose?

A: It is highly unusual for a kitten to have a white nose. Very rare.

Kittens are usually not this hyper, either.

Or this paranoid.

And I've never seen a kitten who loved Scarface so much.

By any chance, has your kitten been spending a lot of time in the back of my closet, digging around in my cannisters of very special "baking soda"?

Q: Why snake need to change their skin?

A: Life on the lamb can be harsh. And cruel. And lonely.

Snake is sick of life on the lamb. He wants to be able to go out at night, take in a show, maybe eat a nice meal. He's hearing great things about The Meatball Shop.

But he can't do these things, he can't do anything with his face plastered on every lamppost and billboard, and popping up on TV every half an hour. That's why he needs to change his skin.

Specifically his face. Snake needs a new face.

He has always admired yours.

You can have his old one. What's left of it.

We had a hello of a time getting it off. We thought we could take it off in one piece. Not as easy as it sounds.

Oh, well. Now that we've had some practice, removing yours should be a snap.

Q: What is the purpose and benefit of taking on new challenges if they arise in the work place?

A: You take on a challenge in the work place for the same reason you do anything else, ever: to show up those less talented and to impress the opposite sex. Occasionally, you might take on a challenge to seek the approval of a dead parent, or fictional cowboy, but such instances are few and far between.

There's really no better way to make yourself feel better than by pointing out the shortcomings of others. And there's no better way to do that than to take on a new challenge, achieve fantastic results, and throw it right in your co-workers stupid little faces. You'll get some bonus points of the soul if you are able  to point out, in great detail, why you succeed where they fail. You might also want to work out a victory dance, and accompanying song.

The men will fear you, and the women will flock to you. Often two at a time. That's when the benefits kick in.