Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Q: How was life like in the great depression?

A: It was wonderful. A non-stop party.

The era was named ironically, to throw off potential Viking invaders.

Q: Can you give me a sentence with the word reputation in it?

A: Your condescending questions will surely damage your reputation as "Not-An-Asshole."

Q: How old do you have to be to drive tractor on a farm?

A: On my farm, you have to be 13.

And you have to have arms. Both arms.

I told you to respect the thresher. But did you listen?

No. No, you did not.

Q: How do you design a high school course?

A: I think of all the ideals our young people should have.

Then I find the most tenuous connections between these ideals the film Forrest Gump.

Then I put a DVD of Forrest Gump in the DVD Player.

Then I press play.

That's half a semester right there.

I'm still thinking about what to do after mid-terms.

I think there's a lot they can learn from Tango & Cash.

Q: Can you deal with infidelity in your relationship?

A: You sure can. The best way to deal with infidelity is to keep it totally secret. Create a fake identity and only have sex with strangers in town on business. Buy a prepaid cell phone. Always pay cash. It's the little things like that that will help you hide your infidelities for decades.

Oh. I see. You're not the perpetrator of then infidelity. You're the victim.

Have you tired dressing a little nicer? And not crying so much?

You have?

Then I got nothing.

Wait. You could sleep with me. That would show him, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?

And here come the tears again.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook