Q: Can macaroni and cheese be an appetizer?

A: Look, if you are really serious about getting the role of Jake LaMotta in our high school production of "Raging Bull" you are going to have to gain about 50 pounds.

Now eat your mac and cheese. The french fry and chicken tender pizza will be ready soon.

Q: What do the Amish people believe in?

A: That some day all their hard work and discipline will inspire a man to write an epic tale about their culture's magnificent power to heal and protect.

They also don't believe in going to the movies and have no idea that film "Witness" has existed for a quarter century.

Q: Should the military give soldiers additional compensation for head injuries?

A: They already give you helmets.

We're not running a charity here, Private.

Now go out there and lure that sniper out into the open.

Q: Is the pattern on sheets suppose to face up or down?

A: Patterns should face up.

Patterns are pre-printed on the sheet before you buy them. They tend to be symmetrical and of a uniform width.

The lines on your sheets are neither symmetrical or of uniform width.

That is because they are stains.

Remember when this relationship began and I promised you that even though I was married and we worked together that things between us would never be awkward?

I was wrong. It just got really awkward.

Q: Who is the administrator of Philippine National Police Academy?

A: Commandant Eric Lassard. He's still active. And very, very, very, very old.