Thursday, April 28, 2011

Q: What national park has the highest suicide rate?

A: Black Canyon of the Gunnison in Colorado, beating out the Badlands of South Dakota by a nose.


The nose in question belonged to a morbidly obese lad of 19 who, no doubt depressed at the thought of spending his life alone and unloved, shot himself with a 12 gauge shotgun on the edge of the Badlands. The bullet tore his skull apart and sent his nose flying 34 feet into the parking lot. As such, the suicide is not considered to have taken place inside the park, giving Black Canyon the win!


Better luck next year, Badlands. 

Q: What types of books do people love best?

A: Books that reinforce their world view, and offer the shallowest of insights into the nature of life and humanity. Often, these books have vampires. Or wizards. Or lawyers.

Q: What was the cause of the monkey becoming endangered?

A: They burned down the trees and ruined the land, and still the monkey survived.

They poisoned the bananas and drained the seas, and still the monkey survived.

They developed new weapons, brought in the best hunters, and still the monkey survived.

When all looked lost, when it had nowhere else to go, I let the monkey hide in my home, like a member of the family, safe from the predators, safe from the hands of man.

The monkey played with my children. The monkey ate from my fridge. The monkey played in my yard. All was well.

The monkey unlocked the door to my study. The monkey soiled my comic books. The monkey deleted all the shows on my DVR.

Now the monkey must die.

About Me

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook