Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Q: What can you do if your puppy gets hit in the head?

A: Okay, first you'll need to calm him down. Pick him up in your arms, hold him tight and pet him like crazy.

Now, take off his helmet and check his head. Is there any blood? Are his eyes glassy? Does he show any signs of having a concussion? Most importantly, does he still think that he's Joe Montana trapped in the body of a dog?

That last part is really important. Football is a violent game, and your puppy's going to take some shots. But if he gets knocked out, and stops thinking he's Joe Montana, we are screwed.

If he doesn't think he's Joe Montana, then he's just a puppy trying to play quarterback. I have no idea how that would even work. Plus, I'm pretty sure there's a rule that says a dog can't play football.

I probably should have mentioned that before. Yup, I'm sure there's a rule. Even if we win this game, we'll probably get disqualified on appeal. But we'll have one hell of a YouTube video.

A disqualification counts as a loss. You would lose any money you bet. I hope you didn't bet too much.

Ouch.

Look, being homeless gets a bad rap. Have you ever heard anyone who's actually homeless ever complain about it?

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook