Q: How do presidents get citizens to vote for them?

A: By promising to do things that they will never do, have no intention of doing, are incapable of doing, or are impossible. In everyday life, such statements would be called "Lies"or "Outright Fraud"  but in the charming world of Presidential elections, they are called "Campaign Promises" or "Politics as Usual."

A Presidential candidate is not judged on his experience, which is often lacking, or his record, often spotty, or even his prior public statements, often contradictory. Instead he is judged on his ability to make you believe that he believes the words currently coming out of his mouth, even though you know these words are not true and will be forgotten as soon as he is elected. In a normal person we would consider such a trait "Pathological Narcissism" but in a Presidential candidate we call it "Electability."

If a candidate cannot win over the public with his fake sincerity, he will often resort to something known as "Negative Campaigning" or "Attack Ads" which you would recognize as "Character Assassination" or "Slander." Suggesting that a fellow human being, someone who has dedicated his life to public service, would trigger a nuclear war or put senior citizens to death or institute white slavery might seem beyond the bounds of human decency, and reveal its suggester as an unreliable, unscrupulous schemer, but this is what wins elections, tearing the other guy down.

If the traditional techniques of treachery, deceit and betrayal fail to capture the imagination of the voting public, a candidate has only one weapon left: stealing the election. But that requires a lot of political capital, the kind only a political  dynasty with a considerable fortune built on bootlegging or shady oil deals could posses. And dynasties like that only come around every 40 years or so.

Q: What do the cabinet do for the president?

A: The cabinet advises the President on the issues facing America. As essentially his top Lieutenants, they do his bidding across the land and ensure the country runs smoothly. They hold many meetings and give many speeches. In many ways, they are the face of the administration.

The Secretary of State is the nations top diplomat, and handles America's overseas affairs.

The Secretary of Defense manages the military, and works to keep our country safe.

The Secretary of Commerce works with the President to insure America's business stay in the black and we don't have another of those pesky recessions.

As for your position, well, I must admit I'm at a loss. I'm unfamiliar with the duties of the Secretary of Chocolate Pudding. I'm not really sure such a position exists. Let me take a look at your paperwork.

I see the problem here. Your so-called orders are nothing more than a giveaway from the Jello people. There's not need to be embarrassed. This type of thing happens all the time. LAst week we had a man insisting he was the Secretary of Sexy Ladies, but after three hours of shouting we convinced him he was just Vice President.