Sunday, January 16, 2011

Q: What organization or company does Dr Seuss work in?

A: Dr. Seuss was the pen name of Theodor Geisel. Under the Seuss name, Geisel wrote a great many children's books, such as the one about the boy who did not care for spoiled ham, or the one about the boy who is so lonely he pretends a fictional cat has visited him and made a mess of the house. You can tell the boy is lying because his cat "friend" wears a hat. As we all know, cats do not wear heats. The notion is simply ludicrous.

When he was not telling lies to or about children, Geisel wrote for film and television. He never wrote any medical texts. He never taught medicine. He wasn't a doctor of any kind.

I don't know who that man was who just removed your father's spleen, but he did not study under Dr. Seuss.

I suggest you call an ambulance.

Q: Do you don't have a sense of humor if you can't laugh?

A: Just because I am not laughing doesn't mean that lack a sense of humor.

It simply means that I do not find you funny.

At all.

There's nothing funny about smashing a bunch of watermelons.

Watermelons are a source of food and nourishment.

Not a source of comedy.

Many of these children haven't eaten in days.

Please, have a heart.

Q: How do bears survive in the forests?

A: With their wits, their strength, their tenacity, and by taking advantage of clueless rangers and feasting on picnic baskets.

Also, with their enormous teeth and razor-sharp claws. 

Q: What are plate placement laws in Texas?

A: License plates must be placed on both the front and rear of the car.

Unfortunately, the personalized plate you requested is not available.

COWBOY has already been taken.

So has MRBIG.

So has THESTUD.

So has SEXYBOY.

So has HEADCASE.

So has SIZEMATTERS.

So has ALLNIGHTLONG.

So has WELLENDOWED.

In fact, looking over your list, it appears that everyone of your novelty plates has already been taken.

Except FELCHER. You can still have that one.

Q: How much cheetahs are left in the world?

A: Many.

We still have clubs in New York, Dallas, Las Vegas, Hollywood and elsewhere.

The recession may have hurt other businesses, but not strip clubs.

I guess being a lonely man, who pays somewhat attractive women to sit on your lap and pretend to like you, never really goes out of style.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook