Q: How do determine the concentration of swimming pool acid?

A: Count the number of children who jump in to the pool compared to the number who climb out. If the two numbers match, the acid is not strong enough.

Q: What would a person be charged with if they lied to a sheriff who was serving them a subpoena?

A: If they pick the wrong sheriff, they can expect to be charged with about 10,000 volts, delivered directly through the testicles.

Q: What is a family recipe?

A:  Either a recipe passed down through the generations by a single family.

Or, a recipe to cook an entire family at once.

It really depends on how you interpret the title of this cookbook I found in the study of this alien spaceship.

Q: Can a mother send her child to his father if the child is put on probation for shoplifting and had been skipping school?

A: Sure. Or you could just send him to jail now and cut out the next ten or so years of lies and heartbreak.

Q: What type of weathering does plant cause?

A: As you can plainly see, it causes a serious weathering of the skin.

I knew we shouldn't have moved next to the varnish plant.

Look at the twins. They look 30. They're barely 12.

They'll never have their own show on Nickelodeon now.