Q: What is the North Dakota state secretary?

A: He is the man who answers the phone and answers any and all questions about North Dakota.

He's had a busy year, what with that one call in March and that other one in September. It's like 1975 all over again.

Q: What is the state babysitting laws for TN?

A: They are as follows:

  - All babies under the age of five must be cared for by a legal babysitter.

  - A loaded shotgun can not be considered a legal babysitter. Nor can a can of beer.

  - Babysitters must be paid in either legal currency, or delicious slow cooked ribs, whichever is of more value  at the time of the sitting.

  - If a babysitter is over the age of 15 and not a direct blood relative, you may have sex with her, provided you are very lonely, or haven't had sex in a while and the baby is asleep or not looking.

  - Babysitters are forbidden to place a baby in the microwave to dry it off, no matter how much chicken soup has been spilled on the baby.

  - Babysitting is a very important job and can only given to the most responsible members of society: Disinterested teenage girls.

Q: When you lose a big amount of weight in a short amount of time and if you look pale and unhealthy what does that mean?

A: You are in a concentration camp.

Q: What did Thomas Jefferson accomplish during his first term?

A: He greatly expanded the size of the government and ran up a massive personal debt. Because his debt was personal, instead of federal, he is considered one of our greatest presidents.

He also came down with a serious case of "jungle fever", if you know what I mean.

I mean, of course, malaria, which went undiagnosed until his death.

Q: What is the artery that carries blood to the spinal cord?

A: I'm beginning to understand while you always used air quotes when you said the word "Doctor".