Q: What is the definition of hazardous material?

A: Any material that may cause short or long term damage to an employee's health is considered to be hazardous and must be removed from the building. Anyone who knowingly introduces hazardous material to the office will be fired and subjected to any applicable legal action.

Cathy's lemon squares don't qualify. They're rather delicious. I've had three. But this isn't about the lemon squares, is it?

If Cathy doesn't want to date you, that's her decision. You can't have her arrested or fired or deported.

I know that she hurt you. We all know. You've made it clear with your editorials in the company newsletter and your YourTube videos and your ad in the Times and your billboard and your screenplay, Jack and Cathy Go Boning.

I admit I enjoyed the screenplay. I appreciated all the drawings. Helped me visualize all the positions. I'm sure Cathy was flattered. And that twist at the end, where Cathy is revealed to be succubus intent on destroying all men with her sexual charms? Brilliant. I'm sure Cathy loved it, too. I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to go out with you.

That was sarcastic. You can't use that quote in your next ad.