Q: What are kangaroos instincts?

A: He's going to want to jab a lot. Make sure you keep your right up. Stay away from his right. And his teeth. Those are sharp.

Q: Is there a short day of the year?

A: In my experience, January 1st is the shortest day of the year. It starts around 2 in the afternoon and I don't remember much after 10. In the afternoon there are many naps.

Q: Can you control the spirit of God?

 A: Yes! And you can, too.

All you need to do is buy some of these special beads.

They are only $24.99. You'll only need to buy them once.

Well, once now, and then a new set every 90 days. God's spirit changes with the times and you'll want the most current beads to properly control it.

I know what you are going to ask and let me save you the trouble and simply say: Yes, I do accept sex as payment.

Q: What were you pilgrims like?

A: Oh, we were great. We always got along with you Native Americans.

By the way, thanks for the whole "giving us food when we were on the brink of starvation" thing. That was pretty nice of you.

In return, we would like to give you these fabulous blankets.

There are enough for everybody! Even the kids.

Q: How long is your backyard?

A: It's long enough for all the exercise I need.

I don't know that I've actually measured. I'd guess it to be 50, 60 feet long.

Hold on, I'll go measure.



How long did I say it was?

Yeah, I was way off. It's about 5 feet long.

I may have been slightly misleading when I referred to it as a backyard, since it's not really outside. It's actually in my apartment. It's not really a yard per se. It's more of a tub.

A 5 foot long metal tub.

It's still all I need for my exercise.

That, a couple otters and a fifth of Jack.

I hope this helps you with your science project.