Q: How old do you have to be a messenger in medieval times?

A: 16. You've got a few years left. Conveniently, enough time to finish your time machine.

Q: What is a public swimming pool?

A: It is a large pool to be freely used by everyone. They can usually be found at the local YMCA or community center. It has enough room for diving, and lap swimming and general splashing around.

What you have in your backyard is not a public swimming pool. It is a hot tub.

I will not be getting in there.

Neither will my children.

If you excuse me, we are going to leave now.

You should really take that ad off craigslist. It's really misleading.

Q: Why did the snail have an s painted on his car?

A: He cheated on his girlfriend. She wanted to write "slut" but used up all the spray paint on the "s".

Q: What were the conditions like on the Western Front?

A: According to this book, everything seems to be "all quiet."

Honestly, I'm just basing that on the cover. I'm sure the book is just more of the same. I'll take a look just to be safe.

Oh God.

Oh God, no.

Why would anyone do this?

Things are not "all quiet." They are very bad. Very bad indeed. This book is poorly named.

It should be called "All Horrifying and Bloody and Intestines Wrapped Around Barbed Wire on The Western Front."

I guess that book would not have sold as well.

Q: Is there a girls basketball game today?

A: No, sir, there is not. There is a game tomorrow.

However, we usually require everyone in attendance to wear pants.