Q: Is urinary tract infection treatable?

A: With enough prayer, patience and a positive mental attitude, any infection is treatable.

In fact, if you pray hard enough and pleasure your partner in the way God intended, you probably won't catch anything.

Now, shall we begin the sex act?

Q: What is the name of the short stanza at the end of a poem?

A: That's a beverage list.

You are not reading a poem. You are reading a menu from IHOP.

That's why it just seems like a bunch of random words.

Q: What are some of the best ways to prevent the common cold?

A: With your own personal quarantine outfit.

Sure, you'll be a bubble boy at first.

But soon, you'll stop being a bubble boy, and become a bubble man.

Actually, it won't be very soon.

It's really hard to have sex in those things.

And they are almost impossible to clean.

No, I cannot let you out. You already bought it.

Congratulations on never getting sick, by the way. I will totally tell your girlfriend about it when I take her out to dinner tonight.

I will remind her again later while I am having sex with her.

Q: What would happen if an animals blood got in your cut?

A: You would not become a gorilla.

Nor would you gain the strength, speed and agility of a gorilla.

Nor would you develop a fondness for bananas.

Trust me.

This wisdom comes from a lifetime of experience.

A sad, wasted, hairy lifetime.

Q: What is non abrasive scouring powder?

A: It's the white powder I use to search the streets for criminals.

I crush a tablet, grind it into powder and scatter it from the sky.

I assume anyone it hits to be a criminal.

Then I dole out justice, swiftly and without remorse.

I will grant you that my process is not the most scientific.

But my motto is: Better to beat one hundred innocent men to death than let one jay walk go unpunished.