Monday, March 25, 2013

Q: Can the executor of an estate drive the deceased's car?

A: I chose you as the executor of my estate because you are an honorable man, you are a smart man, and because I trust you. When I am dead, you may do whatever you please. When I am dead.

You can drive my car. You catch watch my TV. You can wear my suits. When I am dead.

You see, I will be dead, deceased, passed on from this world onto the next. There's nothing I can do or say about anything. I won't care. I will be dead. When I am dead.

You can even make love to my wife. I won't know or care or be able to do anything about it. Sure, my body will be there, mounted and stuffed in my favorite chair as stipulated in my will, but I won't be there.  It won't be me watching you, but an empty shell, a simulacrum of the man I was. If it excites you to pretend that it is really me, still alive, watching you, then by all means please do so. I think my wife would appreciate it. God knows my death will be tough on her. Especially once she discovers that I've left her nothing.

That's going to be an awkward conversation for you. When I am dead. Which I am not yet.

Please get out of my bed.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook