Q: What should you do for a person with heat exhaustion?

A: Oh, are you getting hot in there? Are you getting a little tired? Having trouble breathing? Can you feel every ounce of moisture being squeezed out of your body?

I bet you can. That's life in the box. It ain't pretty. That's why we call the box Hell's Oven. They say Satan himself couldn't stand it for a day before going mad and begging for his Mama.

You've been in there three days. With four more to go.

Maybe next time you'll stay quiet at chow time. Maybe next time you won't talk so smart when I tell your to stay in line. Maybe next time you you'll sleep when I tell you to sleep. Maybe next time you'll put away all the blocks and crayons when your're done playing. Maybe next time you'll take a moment to think before you eat an entire jar of paste.

We have rules here at Oakwood Elementary. Bout time you learned to respect them.

Q: How long does it take for a freezing to go away?

A: You'd better chill out. It's going to be a while.

I had to put this party on ice.

Keep quiet, or I'll throw you in the cooler.

Forgive me if I don't feel bad, but I'm a little cold around the heart.

All kidding aside, can you please stop whining. I know you're cold. You're in a block of ice. That I put you in. Now, if you could just keep quiet and let me rob you in silence, I would really appreciate it.

I don't want to run out of puns before Batman gets here. That wouldn't be cool.

Q: What describes the steps during your experiment?

A: I think the best word to describe my steps, every single one of them, would be "secret."

Secret.

A secret experiment.

That's why we built this underground layer. And why we put up all those signs. Remember putting up all those signs? The ones that said "Danger! Keep Out!" Of course you do. You bitched about it all day. We put those up to scare people away, so they wouldn't stumble onto our experiment. Our secret experiment.

That's why we used fake identities when we adopted all those orphans. We didn't want anyone to know who we really are. We surely didn't want anyone to know why we needed all those orphans.

If you'll recall, the goal of our secret experiment was simple: Would enough Red Bull and Jersey Shore turn a army of small children into the world's finest killing machine?

If our hypothesis proved corrected, we then use this data to control the world's finest killing machine, launch a crime wave that would paralyze the city, and live like kings with our new ill-gotten gains.

We did this for the money. Not for the science. We wanted to maintain our anonymity. That's why everything was so secret.

There was never any intention of getting published.

Certainly not in Maxim.

Q: What team did the Packers beat in their first super bowl?

A: They defeated the Kansas City Chiefs. The Packers may have won the game, but the Chiefs won the bigger game of life. The Packers had to go home to Green Bay, Wisconsin after the game, while the Chiefs got to live it up in the greatest city on Earth, Kansas City, Missouri!

Suck it, Kansas City, Kansas.

Q: How much wind does there need to be for a tornado to happen?

A: Tornadoes often reach speeds as high as 250 miles per hour, but most are less than 110. Either way, that's a whole lot of wind. That's more than enough wind to pick up your trailer then drop it on top of your step mom's head, giving you the freedom to move to California and pursue your dream of being the world's most famous rapping mime.

That kind of wind that occurs during a tornado results from a type of thunderstorm called a supercell. That's what causes a tornado. A thunderstorm. A storm. Like, from the sky.

Tornadoes, even weak ones, are not caused by little boys with big dreams who have been sent to their room for cursing at their stepmothers.

Now, why don't you stop blowing on that pinwheel and come help me take out the trash. On the way, we'll have a nice long talk about mimes.