Q: How important is a sergeant first class is in the army?

A: Very important. On a day to day basis, he's the most important member of the platoon. He executes the orders from command, he keeps morale up, he talks the Lieutenant out of sending us on suicide missions, he keeps us fed, rested and safe.

That's why we have to kill him.

He's making the rest of us look bad, with his shiny buttons and his pressed pants and his hand full of all fingers and his complete lack of shooting his best friend by accident while drunk. If command catches wind of him,  they're going to start expecting a lot more out of us. They're going to start hanging around and giving us orders and sending us on missions and wanting us to win this war. That's going to be a real drain on our business.

It's going to be awfully hard to smuggle heroin home in cadavers with a whole lot of Generals sniffing around.

Q: What are the exercises that can help you build muscle strength?

A: You can lift free weights, or use the universal machine. Dumb bells work well, too.

Or, you could lift this car off me. That would build a lot of strength. This car is very heavy.

And it would save my life. This car is very heavy. It's crushing me.

I'm sorry, I don't have any free weights. Or dumb bells. Or heavy rocks.

You're right, any of those would help you build muscle strength. And fast.

What I do have is this car. This car on top of me. This heavy car on top of me, crushing my sternum, likely causing massive internal bleeding. Have I mentioned the weight of the car? I just wanted to make sure,  because it's very heavy.

And I'm very woozy.

This car must weigh a ton. This heavy, heavy car - the one on top of me. You'd probably look like Superman after you lifted it off me. You'd feel like him, too, because you will have saved my life.

Have I mentioned that I'm trapped under this car?  And that the car is very heavy?

I don't know what's in the car. I guess there could be a Perfect Push Up or one of those Shake Weights in the trunk. It's hard to say. I can't open the trunk from here. Because I am trapped. Under. The. Car.

I have no idea where to find a gym. I am not a navigator, nor a map, nor a personal trainer. I am a man. A man trapped under a car. A heavy, heavy car.

Have you even considered my suggestion?

Lifting the car off me. I've said it four or five times.

This car. The one on top of me.

Can't you at least try? Would it kill you? Please?

Thank you. I know you can do it. Just bend your knees and -

Oh, I feel it moving. It's lighter. I can -

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I assumed you understood that when I suggested lifting the car off me, you would allow me to get out from under it, and not drop it back down on my pelvis.

But you now what they say: When you assume you end up being an ass with a shattered pelvis.

I'm paraphrasing. I think. It's hard to tell.

I'm in pretty bad shape here.

Q: Would you violate any copyright laws if you approached a major network with a TV show pitch using music that you have not yet bought the rights to?

A: The music rights won't be a problem. You're pitching a show and throwing out some ideas. You're not expected to have everything locked down. Once you sell the show, the network can go out and buy the rights.That's not the problem.

The pitch itself is the problem.

The details of the pitch. The characters. The ideas. I've heard them before. They're not new.

The alcoholic former ballplayer who opens a bar in Boston, a bar full of wacky characters - like like his absent minded former coach, or the sex-obssessed barmaid, or the fat, sardonic alcoholic loved by all, or the obnoxious know-it-all/public servant, or the over-educated poet, left at the alter by her mentor - a bar where "Everybody Knows Your Name."

Yeah, that's Cheers. People remember Cheers. It was very popular.

You should rip off something else, something nobody remembers, like Small Wonder.

Only make the robot sexy. You know, for the nerdy pedophiles.