Q: When did people start to be evacuated from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina?

A: As soon as the President realized that the hurricane was starting to damage property and hurt local business, and not just drown the poor.

Q: What is the most paws a cat has been born with?

A: In all my years of study, and in all my travels across the globe, I have never heard of nor laid eyes on a cat with more than six paws.

Until today.

I never imagined I would ever see a cat born with eight paws.

I never imagined a madman would kidnap me after seeing me on a Dallas morning show, where I talked about my successful advances in the field of cat obedience.

I never imagined I'd be taken to an island, locked in a dungeon and forced to spend decades training cats to mate with an octopus.

I never imagined the cats would mate with the octopus. I always assumed they would drown.

I never imagined that the mating would prove successful. Because it defies all laws of nature.

But there it is, the world's first ever cactopus.

Can I go home and see my family now? They probably assumed I am dead and moved on with their lives, but I'd at least like to say hi.

Q: How much is car insurance if your sixteen?

A: It varies depending on your driving record , the make and model of your car, your zip code.

Regardless of how much it costs, and what company you choose, you should always remember to get car insurance before you run a red light and crash into an ambulance. Not after. You can't get retroactive insurance.

I know you had big dreams of becoming the youngest winner of the Cannonball Run in the history, but it looks like this is not your year.

Your racing days are over. So are you driving days. And, judging by the location of your legs, so are your walking days.

Also, the Cannonball Run is not a real race. It is a movie.

It's not all bad news. You are the youngest uninsured driver to T-bone an ambulance and cause an eight car pile-up this week.

Congratulations!

Q: Can you use your computer on an airplane?

A: Laptop computers may be used once we reach 10,000 feet.

Computers intent on world domination and the subjugation of man are forbidden at any altitude.

Q: If the plural of cow is cows why isn't the plural of deer deers?

A: Look at you. Aren't you just full of questions today?

Why isn't the plural of deer deers?

When are we going to have dinner?

Didn't you wear that suit yesterday?

What happened to all the furniture?

Is Mommy ever coming home?

I appreciate the fact that you are a bright, witty, inquisitive boy who is ever so eager to find out about the world, but I really don't have time for your questions right now. I have some business to attend to. Grown up business, with lawyers and bankers and private detectives.

Why don't you go to your room and play for a while?

No, your Playstation isn't there anymore. Neither is your TV. Or your bed.

You can play with this empty beer can. And these cigarette butts. They should keep you busy for hours.

Daddy needs some privacy. He has some serious drinking to do.