Q: What is the talents of a blue whale?

A: Well, they can swim. That's one. And hold their breath a long time. A real long time. Longer than you expect. They're excellent learners. If you catch them young enough, you can train them to do tricks: jumping out of the water, standing on their tail, carrying people on their back, towing ships full of cocaine in the middle of the night to avoid the watchful eye of the DEA.

But their most impressive talent is their ability to remember. They remember everything. Everything. Every slight, every sarcastic crack, every time you whipped them for getting spooked and dumping three tons of Columbia raw, every time you tried to kill them with explosive krill.

They're also very good at revenge. Right up there with memory. 1 and 1A. Memory 1, revenge 1A. They're kind of tied together, from my experience. That's why I have this peg leg. And this other peg leg. And this peg spine.