Q: Who creates the standard style guide for a research paper?

A: Usually the teacher. Occasionally the dean. Sometimes a charismatic student.

In our case Billy. Billy sets all the standards.You don't know Billy? That's right, you're new.  He's the boy over there, on the monkey bars.

DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT!

Think pure thoughts. Think pure thoughts.

That was close.

Billy is what we call ... gifted. He's a very special boy. A wonderful, special, little boy. About a month ago, he discovered he has the most amazing powers. He can control matter. He can control life. Anything he can think of, he can do. He's a wonderful little boy.We're lucky to have him.

He's looking at us. Smile. Smile.

A couple weeks ago, we had a priest come by to talk to Billy, to see if he maybe had any ... visitors ... in his soul. Billy struck the man blind. Then he gave him back his sight. Then he laughed and laughed and laughed. Since then, we've let Billy make all the decisions. We feel that's for the best. If he wants recess to last for six hours, then recess lasts for six hours. If he wants all research papers to be written in Sanskrit on used toilet paper, then we'll start teaching Sanskrit and stop flushing. If he wants to have the teachers battle each other in gladiator style combat, to the death, each day at lunch, who are we to argue? He knows best.

Yes, life under Billy's rule has been wonderful, just wonderful. You'll like it here. I've worked at a lot of schools, but this one - His back is turned. We can overwhelm him and regain control. It's our only hope. You go first. I'll create a distraction. Go. Go. Go. Go.

LOOK OUT, BILLY! THE NEW SCIENCE TEACHER IS COMING TO KILL YOU!

Q: How can I find out if a deceased family member had any life insurance?

A: Oh dear.

You could hire a private detective to dig into their personal lives, interview everyone they've ever known, follow their life from birth to death - basically learn everything about them.

Or, you could find out while they are still alive. Walk right up to them and ask. Something like, "Hey, Dad, do you have any life insurance?" That would be easier than all that private detective nonsense. If he does have life insurance, you could ask "Am I the beneficiary?"

If you are the beneficiary, then you push him in front of the train. Once that train hits him, the "information gathering" portion of our plan has expired, and the "making it look like an accident and creating a credible alibi" portion has begun.

I probably should have explained all this to you earlier. It was unfair of me to assume that you knew how to commit insurance fraud. Oh, well, we'll get it right next time.

Speaking of ... Does your mother happen to have life insurance naming you as the beneficiary? And would she happen to enjoy any high risk hobbies, like skydiving, or hang-gliding or making toast in the tub?