Q: What do you need for solar power for your pool?

A: A pool. A backyard. Access to the sun.

I know you're disappointed, Gus, but I tried to tell you that Mole-People shouldn't have pools.

They don't belong in our world.

Now can you please clean your uncle out of the filter? Mole-People are trying to eat.

Q: Why won't my Hyndai Azera keep it's battery charge for more than a day?

A: Yeah, sorry about that. I've been wanting to tell you.

My father has been using your car to jump-start his defibrillator.

It shouldn't happen too much anymore.

Not after Tuesday.

He's a very sick man.

Q: What does the color blue symbolise on new years day?

A: It means that, for the eighth straight year, you:

Drank too much.

Blacked out.

Passed out.

Slept it off in the bedroom of a little boy.

If it was a girl's room, you would be seeing pink.

You don't even have any kids.

You don't even know any kids.

How does this keep happening?

Q: How can you prevent your rims from being stolen?

A: I used to have the same problem, until I discovered this simple solution.

Every time I park my tricked-out ride, whether it's at the club, or the crib, or the McDonalds, I do the following:

I put it in park.

I engage the emergency brake.

I activate my car alarm.

Then I cover the whole car with cement.

Those rims aren't going anywhere.

Q: Why is your car steaming only in drive but not overheating?

A: You know how, in the movies, they have that shot of the car driving through the fog, and it looks all cool and everyone claps?

I can't afford a high priced team of special effects experts.

But I can afford a block of dry ice. And the space for it in my engine block.

I even have the scars to prove it.

Seriously, they should tell you that you need to wear gloves when you touch dry ice.

I don't believe that is common knowledge.