Q: Do Jehovah's Witnesses baptize children?

A: No, but we do, on occasion, bathe them. We like to make sure that the children we  indoctrinate into our religion are, in fact, children, and not old Cabbage Patch Dolls covered in soot and passed off as overly shy babies.

Fool us forty-three times, shame on you. Fool us forty-four times, shame on us.

Q: What colour of eggs do peacocks lay?

A: Peacocks don't lay eggs. Peacocks are male.

I don't know what you have in that basket, but, I can assure you, they are not peacock eggs. We won't be enjoying a peacock egg omelet on our little picnic.

How could you even afford those eggs? Where did you get money?

Oh, no.

Honey, didn't you learn anything when you got those beans?

Q: What object that is red Rhymes with fire?

A: My friend Eric.

Because, you see, he is a liar.

And he's red. On account of the paint.

Oh, I'm sorry, Eric, does the red paint sting your eyes?

That sting you feel right now? That's the same sting I feel when every time you lie to me.

The next time I want to spend my entire paycheck on donuts, don't tell me that donuts have been outlawed. You know I don't read the papers! If you are worried about my diabetes, talk to me like a man, so I can ignore you and eat donuts. Don't play on my apathy toward current events.

I have a lot more paint. Cans of it. Because paint is cheap, and I have lots of money. At least until I get to Krispy Kreme.