Q: What did the catholic church say about homosexuals?

A: They are all for them. As long as they:

A.) Believe that Jesus is their savior.
B.) Deny their homosexuality.
C.) Have only non-consensual relationships.
D.) Do nothing else to endanger their positions as priests.

Q: Where does Ahmad Bradshaw live?

A: I'll give you a hint:

Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
A Reading Rainbow

I can go anywhere
Friends to know
And ways to grow
A Reading Rainbow

I can be anything
Take a look
It's in a book
A Reading Rainbow
A Reading Rainbow

Wait.

That was Levar Burton.

Wow, this is awkward.

I wonder if that guy on the subway wasn't actually Dave Chappelle?

That would explain why he looked at me funny when I asked for an autograph.
And why he yelled "I'm not Dave Chappelle, cracker," as I left the train.
And why, when I looked at the autograph later, it said "Phil Harris."

So, yeah, I have no idea where Ahmad Bradshaw lives.

Q: Should a girl kiss the boy or should the boy kiss the girl?

A: The boy should kiss the girl, unless the girl really wants that rose and doesn't want to take any chances going into the next rose ceremony.

Q: How often do you feed a 3 month old puppy?

A: Frequently. A puppy that has been dead for three months requires far less attention.

Are you sure you don't want to buy him?

Look at how cute he is.

Sitting there.
"Playing" dead.
Not barking or yelping or causing a fuss.

He's the perfect pet.

The flies will go away eventually.

What if I take $5 off the price?

Still want the live one? You city folk are all the same.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Q: What influences the supreme court's opinions?

A: You can try all the fancy lawyering you'd like, but in my experience, nothing works quite like a case of bourbon, a fleet of hookers and three well-placed cameras.