The WikiFakeAnswers Independence Day Fake Answer Jamboree and Street Fair~!

Please enjoy the following selections from our archives. 

Q: What does the red and white on the national flag symbolize?

Q: Is North America having democracy?

Q: When did the US officially get its National Anthem?

Q: What three documents were the origin of the American government?

Q: How did the Patriots fight the war in the West and in the South?

Now go celebrate our Independence in the proper way: grilling meat, getting drunk and punching English people in the face. 

Q: Do koalas live only in Australia?

A: That's what most people think. Most people are wrong.

You see, koalas are native to Australia, but they can live anywhere, provided they have proper habitat, safety from predators and steady supply of eucalyptus leaves. They can even live comfortably in a portable cage, like the one I have here. Most people don't know that. I like to educate.

Most people think that koalas spend their time getting high on eucalyptus leaves and sleeping twenty-three hours a day. Most people are wrong.

Sure, koalas tend to live that lifestyle, but they can adapt, they can change, they can sleep one hour a day and spend the rest of their time alert, gnawing on eucalyptus and ready to strike. It helps to lace the leaves with amphetamines. It helps to keep the cage cramped.

Most people think that koalas are cute and cuddly; adorable animals safe to keep as pets. Most people are wrong.

Koalas are bears. Like all bears, they are by nature vicious, mean, aggressive and fiercely protective of their young. Like all bears, they hate to be caged.

You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this. Well, you see, my army of koalas think your toupee is their child. The lack of sleep makes them pretty suggestible.

You should probably sign that contract now. This cage is getting pretty heavy.

Q: What should you put on a rash?

A: Son, remember when I woke you up in the middle of the night and told you not to worry but we had to leave now, right now, and we ran out of the house and you asked what happened to Mom and I told you to keep running and not to worry and we ran down the street and past all those people on the ground and you asked if they were sleeping and I told you to keeping running and not to worry and that man jumped out of the woods and you asked why his face looked like that and I told you to keep running and not to worry and he bit you and I shot him and I told you to keep running and not to worry?

Well, now it's time to worry.

Q: What is the proper attire for a jazz dance class?

A: Some folks choose to go all out and come to class in full costume. Others opt for functionality and wear tights and leg warmers and a headband. Most show up up in a ratty t-shirt and gym shirts.

But no matter what outfit you choose, the one thing you can't wear is blackface.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Or at least wash your face.

I'm sorry, your deposit is non-refundable. You'll have to find some other way to pay for your burnt cork.

Q: What questions would be asked in an interview for a cartoonist?

A: Generally, they ask about your experience, your ideas and your ability to meet deadlines. They'll probably ask about your influences and your process, get a sense of your humor, that sort of thing.

In your case, I suspect they may get more specific. They'll probably want to know about your arms. They'll probably ask some questions about them. Questions like,

"How did you lose your arms?"
"How did losing your arms affect your cartooning?"
"Are robot arms a common prosthetic?"
"How powerful are your robot arms?"
"Could you crush a man with your robot arms?"
"Have you ever crushed a man with your robot arms, like an editor or publisher?"

Yup, they'll probably focus on that.

That might also ask if you can draw anything other than robot porn.