Q: Is north America having democracy?

A: That's what we're trying to figure out. That's why we've called this meeting.

Many of us feel that we should choose to be a democracy, since it is the most fair, most just form of government. A government by the people, for the people can be more than a ideal dream. With enough votes, with enough courage, we can make it a reality.

Some of you disagree. I've heard rumblings of electing Washington king for life. I thought that's why we left England in the first place, and fought that war. Perhaps I misunderstood. I hope not. I was rather attached to my leg and would feel foolish if I had been in error to take arms against the crown.

A few of you have suggested a government determined by random draw, with the nation's leaders being selected every two weeks by pulling their name out of a wig. At the risk of offending some of you, I must say this suggestion is beyond ludicrous. It sounds like something a child would suggest.

A child did suggest it?

I thought children were banned. Children do not belong at this convention and have no place in the formation of government.

That was not a shot at you, Mr. Madison. Don't get so defensive.

As laughable as the child's suggestion may be, I find it more agreeable than Mr. Franklin's plan to have our nation ruled by a coalition of kites that have gained the power of sentient thought due to prolonged exposure to lightening.

Ben, please stop frequenting the brothels. And go see a doctor. The syphilis is affecting your judgment.

We seem to be at a deadlock. Can we all agree that, due the many sacrifices made by our countrymen in our war for independence, we pretend to be a democracy, for a time period of no less than eight years, simply to improve national morale? We don't actually have to be a democracy, we must only claim to be, and hope no one reads the fine print.

So, it's settled. Now let's all go get drunk and party with Jefferson's slave girls.

Please don't bring the kites, Ben. No one is ever impressed.