Q: What is being done to eradicate poverty in Virginia?

A: A problem as serious and unsightly as poverty must be handled with a certain amount of discretion. To address the situation in broad daylight would certainly upset our fine citizens who would shudder at the sight of these poor wretches and perhaps lose all faith in our capitalist system.

We can't have that.

Thus, our decision to deal with this matter at night, under the cover of darkness, makes perfect sense. No one has to see these poor, miserable people with their rotten teeth, their awful hair cuts and their out of date clothes. Some of them still wear Zubaz, if you imagine that.

Plus, the darkness gives us ample opportunity to hide and sneak up on them. Unlike these sad, pathetic people, we have money and can afford the nicer things in life, such as night vision goggles and high powered sniper rifles.

Thanks to our clandestine efforts, we've been able to eradicate 500 hundred paupers over the last three months alone. We expect to eradicate a great deal more tonight. We set up a TV in that vacant lot over there. That really seems to draw them in.

I did say this was all off the record, right?