Q: How do you lose a pound a day?

A: Diet and exercise may be effective, but they take a long time to work and involve a great deal of effort and discipline.

If you want to lose weight quickly and with literally no effort, I suggest you buy this vial right here. It contains a highly contagious, fast acting, flesh eating bacteria.

One sniff of this vial, and the pounds while melt away.

Literally.

Along with your liver, spleen, heart and lungs.

Most of that is water weight though.

Sure, it may cause death. I don't have the facts in front of me, but I know the mortality rate is pretty high, somewhere north of 80%. But, you know the old saying, "No risk, no reward."

It seems to me like you have a simple choice:

Do you want to be the fattest girl on the beach?

Or the sexiest corpse in the morgue?