Q: How was clothing made in the middle ages?

A: By stone, from stone. That's why so little art and literature survives from that period. The simple act of getting dressed took up to seven hours and was so exhausting that wearer would immediately take a nap, or be crushed to death by their formal attire, leaving little time for creativity.

One of the benefits of stone garments was the protection they offered in battle and in domestic disputes. You were unlikely to be stabbed to death or beaten with mutton while wearing a stone tuxedo. Unfortunately, you were also unlikely be able to walk for more than thirty feet without suffering a massive coronary, which in those days was known as "over sanguination."

Medical experts of the time, who doubled as chefs, believed that the gray color of the clothing angered the invisible spirits who lived in wood chips At their suggestion, the garments were painted black, which made them unbearably hot, leading to massive deaths caused by heatstroke.

Soon after, the chefs of the period, who doubled as medical experts, introduced a low cost meat stew.