Q: Are there certain moves for figure skating?

A: There are many. They require grace, stamina, power and balance.

Most of the moves involve leaps and spins and bold, dramatic turns.

None of the moves involve lying on the ice and twitching.

There's no such move as the "Fish Out of Water."

I know. I've been an Olympic figure skating judge for thirty years.

I give your routine a score of 1.1 and urge you to take up a more fitting activity, such as door stopping or flood prevention. Those sand bags don't have to do all the work.

I don't think I being too harsh. I'm doing my job.

I don't care what the Special Olympic stands for.

If you wanted everyone to be a winner, why did you hire judges?